These are a riot especially the Lysol and Dieting remedy Ads. I don’t know about you but I’m ready to go on the tapeworm diet!
Hat Tip Rocco
Ads From The 30’S
Amusing
Comments Off on Ads From The 30’S
Jan 142009
Moral of the Day: The Gold Screw
Amusing
Comments Off on Moral of the Day: The Gold Screw
Jan 142009
Once upon a time, a young lad was born without a belly button. In its place was a golden screw. All the doctors told his mother that there was nothing they could do.Like it or not, he was stuck with it.
All the years of growing up was real tough on him because all who saw the screw made fun of him. He avoided ever leaving his house and thus, never made any friends.
One day, a mysterious stranger saw his belly and told him of a Swami in Tibet who could get rid of the screw for him. He was thrilled. The next day he took all of his life’s savings and bought a ticket to Nepal.
After several days of climbing up steep cliffs, he came upon a giant monastery. The swami knew exactly why he had come. He was told to sleep in the highest tower of the monastery and the following day, when he awoke, the screw would have been removed.
The man immediately went to the room and fell asleep. During the night while he slept, a purple fog floated in an open window, bearing in its mist a golden screwdriver. In just moments, the screwdriver removed the screw and disappeared out the window!
The next morning when he awoke, he saw the golden screw lying on the pillow next to him. Reaching down, he felt his navel, and there was no screw there! Jubilant, he leaped out of bed, and his butt fell off.
The moral of this story is:
Don’t screw around with things you don’t understand — you could lose your ass.
Jan 142009
Excellent analogy! From a teacher in the Nashville area.
Who worries about “the cow” when it is all about the “Ice Cream?
The most eye-opening civics lesson I ever had was while teaching third grade this year. The presidential election was heating up and some of the children showed an interest. I decided we would have an election for a class president.
We would choose our nominees. They would make a campaign speech and the class would vote. To simplify the process, candidates were nominated by other class members.
We discussed what kinds of characteristics these students should have.
We got many nominations and from those, Jamie and Olivia were picked to run for the top spot.
The class had done a great job in their selections.
Both candidates were good kids. I thought Jamie might have an advantage because he got lots
\of parental support. I had never seen Olivia’s mother.
The day arrived when they were to make their speeches Jamie went first.
He had specific ideas about how to make our class a better place. He ended by promising to do his very best. Everyone applauded. He sat down and Olivia came to the podium. Her speech was concise. She said, “If you will vote for me, I will give you ice cream.” She sat down.
The class went wild. “Yes! Yes! We want ice cream.” She surely could say more. She did not have to.
A discussion followed. How did she plan to pay for the ice cream? She wasn’t sure.
Would her parents buy it or would the class pay for it? She didn’t know.
The class really didn’t care. All they were thinking about was ice cream.
Jamie was forgotten.
Olivia won by a landslide.
Every time Barack Obama opened his mouth he offered ice cream and fifty-two percent of the people reacted like nine year olds. They want ice cream.
The other forty-eight percent of us know we’re going to have to feed the cow and clean up the mess.
The Pope Visits Alaska
Jokes
Comments Off on The Pope Visits Alaska
Jan 132009
The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the mountains of Alaska for some sight-seeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods.
A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a ‘Save the Whales’ hat and a ‘To Hell with Bush’ T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically, thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10 foot grizzly bear.
As the Pope watched horrified, a group of Republican loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a .44 magnum into the Bear’s chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Democrat from the Bear’s grasp, then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck, while the third tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.
As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over.
‘I give you my blessing for your brave actions!’, he told them. ‘I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic Environmental Activists, but now I’ve seen with my own eyes that this is not true.’
As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies, ‘Who was that guy?’
‘It was the Pope,’ another replied. ‘He’s in direct contact with heaven and has access to all wisdom.’
‘Well,’ the logger said, ‘he may have access to all wisdom, but he sure don’t know nothin’ about bear huntin! Is the bait holding up, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?’
Joke Of The Day: Surgical Options
Jokes
Comments Off on Joke Of The Day: Surgical Options
Jan 132009
A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, ‘Ah, I see you’ve regained consciousness. Now, you probably won’t remember, but you were in a pile-up on the freeway. You’re going to be okay, you’ll walk again and everything, but….. Something happened. I’m trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck, and we were unable to find it.’
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, ‘You’ve got $9000 in insurance compensation coming to you, and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did – better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn’t come cheap. It’s $1000 an inch.’
The man perks up at this.
‘So,’ the doctor says, ‘it’s for you to decide how many inches you want. But it’s something you’d better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it’s important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision.’
The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day.
‘So,’ says the doctor, ‘have you spoken with your wife?’
‘I have,’ says the man.
‘And has she helped you in making the decision?’
‘She has,’ says the man.
‘And what is it?’ asks the doctor.
‘We’re getting a new kitchen.’