What’s in a name? Apparently, a lot more than you (or I) ever thought there was. Here’s what his pet name for you really means…..
Darling — Depends on how he says it. If he stresses the first syllable, then he’s probably done something wrong or wants money.
Dear — Probably a leftover from his parents. Expect him to wear woolly cardigans, smoke a pipe and prefer a mug of Ovaltine to lager.
Sweetheart — If it’s said patronizingly, it’s not so sweet. But when uttered in earnest, it may send your own sweet heart aflutter.
Babe — Not to be confused with the film of the same name. Check for flares or signs that he’s a 70s throwback. He’s a bit of a medallion man. Chances are he’s got his initials on his chunky ring. Leave immediately if he tries to sell you a second-hand car.
Baby doll — This type of man will probably require you to wear transparent frilly nighties even in the dead of winter. He doesn’t want you to grow up, and obviously can’t deal with real women.
Princess — Never trust a man who calls you princess. You may think you’re being treated like royalty, but beware of Prince Charmings – they may be secretly plotting your over- throw.
Sexy — Fine if you’re sexy. If you’re not, who cares? He probably thinks you are anyway!!
My girlfriend — He’s honest, open and probably glad to have you around. The next thing you know he’ll be using your name!
The wife — If you’re married then he probably thinks he owns you. If you’re not, he probably thinks you act like his wife, in which case, he thinks he owns you.
My other half — You complete the set – he’s only half a man without you. But it may make you feel as though you are losing your identity somewhere.
The missus — See The Wife.
My partner — He’s right on. Probably likes eating tofu and hugging trees.
My significant other — He’s even more right on. Probably thinks it’s cruel to eat tofu and that trees need their own space.
She who must be obeyed — He thinks you’re a nag, but probably doesn’t lift a finger around the house.
An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says,”Seven Points.”
His wife rolls over and says, “What in the world was that?”
The old man replied, “It’s fart football!”
A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says -“Touchdown, tie score!”
After about five minutes the old man farts again and says “Touchdown, I’m ahead 14 to 7!”
Not to be out done the wife rips another one and says, “Touchdown, tie score!”
Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says “Field goal, I lead 17 to 14!”
Now the pressures on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains real hard but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he has but instead of farting he poops the bed.
The wife looks and says, “What the heck was that?”
The old man replied, “Half-time, Switch sides!”
The Pope was finishing his sermon. He ended it with the Latin phrase: “Tuti Homini” – Blessed be Mankind.
A women’s rights group approached the Pope the next day. They pointed out that the Pope blessed all Mankind, but not Womankind.
The next day, after His sermon, the Pope concluded by saying: “Tuti Homini, et Tuti Femini” – Blessed be Mankind and Womankind.
The next day, a gay-rights group approached the Pope. They said that they noted that he blessed Mankind and Womankind, and asked if he could also bless Gay people.
The next day, the Pope concluded his sermon with: “Tuti Homini, et Tuti Femini, et Tuti Fruiti.”
We’ve all heard about “men are from Mars, and women are from Venus.” No matter how smart a guy or girl is, no matter how many different languages one can speak, it seems that at the end of the day, men and women just have different ways of communicating. How they manage to get together and spend their lives together remains a mystery even to the wisest of sages.
However, technology just might have the answer to this age old problem. Enter the Manslater. This nifty gadget promises to solve all communication problems between men and women at the click of a button.