Joke Of The Day

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Feb 242012
 

A woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs.

She looks around and spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person does not pop up at that moment.

As she turns back, standing next to her is a salesman.

“Good day, how may we help you today?”

Very uncomfortably, she asks, “Sir, how much does this rug cost?”

He answers, “Lady if you farted just touching it, you’re gonna crap in your pants when you hear what the price is.”

Joke Of The Day

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Feb 232012
 

The wife told me to go to the doctors and get some of those tablets
that “help” get an erection.

You should have seen her face when I came back and tossed her some diet pills!

I am still looking for a place to live.

Is This The Ultimate Woman?

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Feb 042012
 

Technology merges best parts of some of the world’s most beautiful celebrities.

Each stands alone as one of the world’s most beautiful women.

So put them all together and the result would surely be the ultimate head-turner. Or would it?

Well now, thanks to the wonders of modern technology, you can judge for yourself.

After a poll to discover which parts of female stars women most admired and desired, an image of what is being called the ‘ultimate celebrity’ has been created.

Beneath the Duchess of Cambridge’s tumbling shiny hair, you will find the chocolate brown eyes of singer Cheryl Cole, the nose of actress Kate Beckinsale and the cheeks of fellow Hollywood star Keira Knightley.

Eyebrows come courtesy of Transformers actress Megan Fox and the perfect chin is apparently found on still another actress, Gwyneth Paltrow.

Those bee-stung lips could only be Angelina Jolie’s, and the ultimate celebrity’s decolletage belongs to busty TV presenter Kelly Brook.

The inclusion of Prince William’s new wife in the poll of more than 9,000 people – by online beauty retailer Feel Unique – is no surprise.

Her perfectly coiffeured curls have been credited with everything from a boom in hair products to an increase in women dyeing their hair brown.

Read more…

Joke Of The Day

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Jan 202012
 

Q: Why are married women heavier than single women?

A: Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.

Joke Of The Day

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Jan 122012
 

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and said, “If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die”.

1. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send
him off to work in a good mood.

2. At lunch time, make him a warm, nutritious meal and
put him in a good frame of mind before he goes back
to work.

3. For dinner, fix an especially nice meal, and don’t
burden him with household chores.

4. Have sex with him several times a week and satisfy
his every whim.

On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor had told her.

“You’re going to die,” she replied.

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