Joke Of The Day: What Every Man Wants

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Dec 092012
 

Rubber ChickenAn old man walks into a bar, sits down, and starts crying.

The bartender asks, “What’s wrong?” The old man looks at the bartender through

Teary eyes and between sobs says, “I married a beautiful woman two days ago. She’s a natural blonde, twenty-five, intelligent, a marvelous cook, a meticulous housekeeper,

Extremely sensitive to my wants and needs, very giving, my best friend, and intensely passionate in bed.”

The bartender stares at the old man for a brief moment and says, “But that sounds great! You have what every man wants in a woman, so why are crying?”

The old man looks at the bartender and says, “I can’t remember where I live!”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Ten Gallon Bucket

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Dec 082012
 

Rubber ChickenThis wife has been married for seven years and has six kids and is tired of being pregnant. So, she goes to talk to her priest, the priest tells her to go and by a ten gallon bucket and stick her feet in it of a night, she thanks him and goes off to do as he says.

Well six months later the priest sees her and sure enough she is pregnant again.

The priest asks her if she followed his instructions, she said yes but that she could not find a ten gallon bucket so she bought two five gallon buckets.

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Shopping For Jewelry

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Dec 042012
 

Rubber ChickenMel and his wife are walking down Main Street one evening. They stop at a jewelry store window.

She says, “Mel, I’d love those diamond earrings.”

He says, “No problem,” and takes a brick out of his pocket, smashes the window, and gets the earrings for her.

They walk away hastily and soon come upon another jewelry store.

In the window, there is this gorgeous diamond ring, and the wife says, “Mel, oh please, please, please, get me that ring.”

He looks around, sees there’s nobody around, takes a brick out of his pocket and hurls it at the window.

Now she’s got the earrings and this great ring, and they walk away… until they come to yet another jewelry store.

There’s this fantastic diamond necklace in the window. She starts begging, “Mel, Mel, just look at it. I need it!”

He looks at her and says “Whaddaya think, I’m made out of bricks?”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Lead In Your Pencil

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Nov 252012
 

Rubber ChickenGrandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park.

Johnny asked, “Grandpa are you going to take that new Viagra?”

Grandpa looks at him and says “No Johnny, I will not.”

“But Grandpa, why?” asks little Johnny.

Grandpa replies. “Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you have no one worth writing to.”

 

 

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