In most of the United States, there is a policy of checking on any stalled vehicle on the highway when the temperatures drop down to single digits or below.
About 3 AM, one very cold morning, Trooper Allan Nixon #658 responded to a call there was a car off the shoulder of the road outside Shattuck. He located the car, stuck in deep snow, and with the engine still running. Pulling in behind the car with his emergency lights on, the Trooper walked to the driver’s door to find an older man passed out behind the wheel with a nearly empty vodka bottle on the seat beside him.
The driver came awake when the Trooper tapped on the window. Seeing the rotating lights in his rear view mirror, and the State Trooper standing next to his car, the man panicked.
He jerked the gearshift into ‘drive’ and hit the gas. The car’s speedometer was showing 20-30-40 and then 50 mph, but it was still stuck in the snow, wheels spinning. Trooper Nixon, having a sense of humor, began running in place next to the speeding, but still stationary car. The driver was totally freaked, thinking the Trooper was actually keeping up with him. This went on for about 30 seconds, then the Trooper yelled at the man to ‘Pull over!’
The man obeyed, turned his wheel and stopped the engine.
Needless to say, the man from Dumas, Texas was arrested, and is probably still shaking his head over the State Trooper in Oklahoma who could run 50 miles per hour.
One day, a very gentle Texas lady was driving across a high bridge in Austin . As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man fixin to jump….
She stopped her car, rolled down the window, and said, “Please don’t jump! Think of your dear mother and father.”
He replied, “My mom and dad are both dead; I’m going to jump.”
She said, “Well, think of your sweet wife and precious children.”
He replied, “I’m not married, and I don’t have any kids.”
She said, “Well, then you just remember the Alamo .”
He replied, ”What’s the Alamo?”
She replied,….. ”Well bless your heart,….just go ahead and jump you little Yankee bastard!
A Texan buys a round of drinks for the entire bar, announcing that his wife has just produced “a typical Texas” baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Congratulations showered him from all around, along with many exclamations of “Wow!”
Two weeks later, the Texan returns to the bar. The bartender says, “Say, you’re the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?”
The proud father answers, “17 pounds.”
The bartender, puzzled and concerned, asks, “Why? What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds at birth.”
The Texas father takes a slow swig from his long neck beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, “Had him circumcised.”
