Tag: St. Peter
Joke Of The Day: Pinwheel Smith
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A woman arrives at the and meets Saint Peter. She says, “I was supposed to look up my husband when I got here.”
Saint Peter asks, “What’s his name?” She answers, “Smith.” Saint Peter replies, “I’ve got hundreds of thousands of Smiths here, could you narrow it down a little?” She responds, “His name is John Smith.” Saint Peter says, “I got thousands of John Smiths here, could you narrow it down a little?” She answers, “He’s got red hair.” Saint Peter replies, “I have hundreds of red haired John Smiths here, could you narrow it down a little?” She responds, “Well, he told me to always remain faithful to his memory, or else he’d roll over in his grave!” Saint Peter says, “Oh, you mean Pinwheel Smith!”
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Joke Of The Day: Heaven Bound
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An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, “How do you expect to get into Heaven?”
The boy thought it over and said, “Well, I’ll just run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, ‘For Heaven’s sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out!'”
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Joke Of The Day: Can’t Take It With You
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There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.
An angel hears his plea and appears to him. “Sorry, but you can’t take your wealth with you.” The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules. The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed. Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter. St. Peter seeing the suitcase says, “Hold on, you can’t bring that in here!” But, the man explains to St. Peter that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, St. Peter checks and comes back saying, “You’re right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I’m supposed to check its contents before letting it through.” St. Peter opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaims, “Why did you bring paving stones?” |
Joke Of The Day: Faithful Reward
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Three Men Are Standing At The Pearly Gates St. Peter tells them, “As you all know God has a sense of humor and his latest idea is to put the Kingdom of Heaven several hundred miles from the Pearly Gates.”
“How is that supposed to be funny?” one guy asks. “Well, God had the novel idea of allowing those admitted into Heaven a vehicle to travel that distance, but the quality of your vehicle is based upon how faithful you were to your spouse.” Knowing they can’t argue and that God obviously knows all, the men begin confessing their infidelity. “I admit I screwed around behind my wife’s back, but I broke it off with the girl before my wife found out.” One man admits. “Very well,” St. Peter responds and gives him a standard bicycle. The guy shrugs and feels a little better confessing. The second man says with a grin, “I’ve never actually cheated on my wife.” St. Peter raises a skeptical brow. “Okay… There was one time, but it was technically before we were married! I was drunk and I didn’t know what I was doing but I’ve never been unfaithful after that!” With a heavy sigh St. Peter grants the second man a car–but in terrible condition. The third man says proudly, “I’ve never been unfaithful. Never.” The other two stare at the third in disbelief. “No, he’s right.” St. Peter confirms. “He’s been faithful the whole time. In fact he lost his virginity to his wife.” The other two men gape in jealous amazement as the third man is granted a brand new sports car. The third man obviously can make it down the long, glittering highway toward the Kingdom of Heaven faster than the other two. However, the first man on the bicycle finds the third man pulled over not too far down the road. Perplexed, he rides to the sports car and finds the man sobbing into his steering wheel. “What’s wrong, wise-guy, is this Italian muscle too much for you?” he gloats. “No…” the third man tries to gain composure. “It’s not that… The car is beautiful!” “Then what’s your problem?” “I just passed my wife…. and she was on roller-skates.” |
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