Jan 172015
Joke Of The Day: The 105 Year Old Man
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Jan 172015
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A man who just turned 105 is getting interviewed by the paper.
Journalist: “So John, congratulations on turning 105, we are writing a story about your everyday life. What is the first thing you do in the morning?” John: “I take a piss…..oooh I piss so much!” Journalist: “Okay John, but I can’t write that in the paper, what’s the second thing you do in the morning?” John: “I shit, oh boy do I shit!” Journalist: “John, come on, I can’t write that in the paper either, what’s the third thing you do in the morning?” John: “I get out of bed..!” Journalist: “Thank you” |
Jan 162015
When you’re over 40, it’s smart to take it easy at first, then do it faster as you become more proficient. It may be too strenuous for some.
Remember: always consult your doctor before starting any exercise program!
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That’s enough for the first day. Great job!
When finished, break for a beer.
Joke Of The Day: Older Sex
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Dec 282014
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“How often should I plan to have sex?”, the young bridegroom asked his grandfather on his wedding night.
Grandpa said, “When you’re first married, you want it all the time, Maybe several times a day. Later on, sex tapers and you have it maybe once a week or so. Then, as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year maybe on your anniversary.” “Well, how about you and grandma now?” The younger man asked. Grandpa replied, “Oh, we just have oral sex now.” “What’s oral sex?” the young bridegroom asked. “Well”, said Grandpa, “she goes to bed in her bedroom, I go to bed in my bedroom. She yells, SCREW YOU, and I holler back, SCREW YOU TOO.” |
Joke Of The Day: In On The Ding
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Dec 272014
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Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.” Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. “Oh no, my dear,” replied granny. “Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.” She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, He’d still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn’t come along.” |