Joke Of The Day: The Hunting Story

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day: The Hunting Story
Aug 012016
 
Rubber Chicken One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said,

“See that old man asleep in the chair by the fire-place? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you’ll never forget.”

They awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a hunting story.

“Well,” he began, “I remember back in ’44’, we went on a lion hunting expedition in Africa. We were on foot and hunted for three days without seeing a thing. On the fourth day, I was so tired I had to rest. I found a fallen tree, so I laid my gun down, propped my head on the tree, and fell asleep. I don’t know how long I was asleep when I was awakened by a noise in the bushes. I was reaching for my gun when the biggest lion I ever seen jumped out of the bushes at me like this, ‘ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!……’ Well… I just sh*t my pants.”

The young men looked astonished and one of them said, “I don’t blame you, I would have sh*t my pants too if a lion jumped out at me.”

The old man shook his head and said, “No, no, not then, just now when I said ‘ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!'”

 

 

 

Views On Aging

 Funny  Comments Off on Views On Aging
Jul 252016
 

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

“How old are you?” “I’m four and a half!” You’re never thirty-six and a half. You’re four and a half, going on five!

That’s the key.

You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

“How old are you?” “I’m gonna be 16!” You could be 13, but hey, you’re gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life…you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony…YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED 30! We had to throw him out. There’s no fun now, you’re Just a sour-dumpling. What’s wrong? What’s changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40.

Whoa! Put on the brakes, it’s all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50…and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn’t think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You’ve built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it’s a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime.

And it doesn’t end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; “I was JUST 92.”

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. “I’m 100 and a half!”

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

 

 Older Entries  Newer Entries