Old Age Archives - Page 25 of 72 - Common Sense Evaluation

Funny Jokes

Nine Important Facts To Remember As You Grow Older

April 22, 2017February 3, 2017 gags

Nine Important Facts to Remember as You Grow Older

#9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world.
#8 Life is sexually transmitted.
#7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
#6 Men have 2 motivations: hunger and hanky panky, and they can’t tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.
#5 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
#4 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.
#3 All o f us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
#2 In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
#1 Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow..

Don’t ignore this message. This is your only warning.
A friend sent this to me — he must have mistakenly assumed I was aging!

Funny

Senior Summer Camp

April 13, 2017January 25, 2017 gags

This is why you don’t send your Seniors to Summer Camp!

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: Grandma’s Pies

March 11, 2017April 25, 2017 gags

Grandma made such beautiful pies. One day I asked her, “How do you get such beautiful pies with the crimps around the edge so even?”

“Well, it’s a family secret,” she said. “But if you promise not to tell, I’ll let you in on it.”

“Okay,” I said. “Tell me!”

“Well, first, I roll out the dough, making sure it is flat and even. Then I cut out the bottom layer and carefully put in the pie plate and make sure it is firmly against the sides of the plate.

“Then I slowly pour in the filling, making sure it’s not too full.

“Next, I cut out the top layer and carefully put it over the filling.

“Finally, I take out my teeth and just run them around the edge of the pie crust, and they make the nicest even impressions you ever did see!”

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: The Despondent Widow

March 8, 2017December 21, 2016 gags

Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl.

She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.

Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl’s old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart.

Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a burden to someone, she called her doctor to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be.

“On a woman,” the doctor said, “your heart would be just below your left breast.”

Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

Amusing Inspiration

99-Year-Old Woman Gets Arrested So She Can Check It Off Her Bucket List

March 6, 2017August 4, 2023 gags

A 99-year-old woman in the Netherlands got the help of her local police to fulfill her longtime wish of getting arrested.

Attaining centenarian status might be a grandiose accomplishment for many, but 99-year-old Annie is determined to do more than that in her long life. In fact, she’s outlined an entire bucket list of everything she’d like to do before she passes, and one of the goals was to get arrested.

Fortunately, she didn’t need to commit a serious crime to make this a reality. Instead, she contacted the Nijmegen-Zuid police station and authorities were more than willing to help her dream come true.

Like a hardened criminal, Annie was handcuffed and “briefly allowed” to sit in a cell with fastened handcuffs. This occurred after officers picked her up from her home. A rare exception was made for the 99-year-old, as citizens who haven’t committed a crime aren’t ordinarily allowed to be in the cells.

The photos below perfectly encapsulate how pleased Annie was to be able to check “go to jail” off her bucket list. She clearly loves to live on the wild side and because she’s an advocate for living life to the fullest, her story has been shared on True Activist.

99-year-old Annie wanted to fulfill her life-long dream of going to jail…

…so contacted officials at a local police station.

They made her dream come true, and she was more than pleased to check the feat off her list.

via