Joke Of The Day: Older Person Friendly Policy

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Apr 302017
 
Joke Of The Day: Older Person Friendly Policy Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn’t seem to get to work on time.

Every day, he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their “Older Person Friendly” policies.

One day the boss called him into the office for a talk. “Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job when you finally get here; but your being late so often is quite bothersome.”

“Yes, I know boss and I am sorry and am working on it.”

“Well good, you are a team player. That’s what I like to hear.”

“Yes sir, I understand your concern and I will try harder.”

Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment, “I know you’re retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say to you there if you showed up in the morning late so often?”

The old man looked down at the floor, then smiled. He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin, “They usually saluted and said, Good morning, Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir?”

 

 

 

Nine Important Facts To Remember As You Grow Older

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Apr 222017
 
Nine Important Facts to Remember as You Grow Older

okd-man
#9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world.
#8 Life is sexually transmitted.
#7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
#6 Men have 2 motivations: hunger and hanky panky, and they can’t tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.
#5 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
#4 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.
#3 All o f us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
#2 In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
#1 Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow..

Don’t ignore this message. This is your only warning.
A friend sent this to me — he must have mistakenly assumed I was aging!

 

Joke Of The Day: Grandma’s Pies

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Mar 112017
 
Joke Of The Day: Grandma's Pies Grandma made such beautiful pies. One day I asked her, “How do you get such beautiful pies with the crimps around the edge so even?”

“Well, it’s a family secret,” she said. “But if you promise not to tell, I’ll let you in on it.”

“Okay,” I said. “Tell me!”

“Well, first, I roll out the dough, making sure it is flat and even. Then I cut out the bottom layer and carefully put in the pie plate and make sure it is firmly against the sides of the plate.

“Then I slowly pour in the filling, making sure it’s not too full.

“Next, I cut out the top layer and carefully put it over the filling.

“Finally, I take out my teeth and just run them around the edge of the pie crust, and they make the nicest even impressions you ever did see!”