Tag: Morals
Joke Of The Day: Bible Reading
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A young missionary on his first term in Africa is out away from camp having devotions in a quiet clearing, as was his custom. This one particular day, while reading his Bible, a lion comes and lies down right beside him, so close that the hot warm smell of his breath is wafting over him. He is, as you would suppose, exceedingly uneasy. He closes his eyes, praying … but when he opens them, he sees another lion approach from the brush, which proceeds to lie down on the other side of him.
Convinced as he is that this is a test of his faith, he determines to return to his Bible reading. As soon as he does so, the two lions pounce upon him and devour him. Moral of the story: Don’t read between the lions.
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Joke Of The Day: The Three Monks
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Once upon a time, there were three monks who decided to leave the monastery and open a flower shop where they could sell flowers and exotic plants. They moved into a very small town and were doing quite the good business until one day, they got in an exotic man-eating plant. The monks were quite excited about the new arrival and told all of the townspeople to come see it! Unfortunately, it wasn’t long before the plant ate one of the townsfolk.
Now, this was a small town, remember, and it was now getting smaller all the time so, the mayor called a meeting at the small old town hall. Once the few residents has gathered, he asked them what they thought they should do about the monks and their man-eating plant. The town’s only police officer stood up and declared “I’m the law in these parts, I’ll run them out!” This was met with approval by one and all. So, the police officer goes to the flower shop and, tells the monks “get out of town and take your man-eating plant with you!’ The monks are rather shocked by this and ask the officer if he has even seen the offending plant in order to get the evidence he needed to run them off. He of course hadn’t so, he goes in to see the plant, and wouldn’t you know it, he gets to close and it eats him! Now, this was a small town, remember, and it was now getting smaller all the time. They did not even have a police officer now! So, the mayor called a meeting at the small old town hall. Once the few remaining residents has gathered, he asked them what they thought they should do about the monks and their man-eating plant. The town’s only fire fighter stood up and declared “I’ll chop down that plant with my trusty ax!” This was met with approval by one and all. And so, the fireman goes to the shop to run the monks out of town, he is met by the bewildered monks at the door of the shop. “get out of my way monks!” he cries, “I’m here to take care of that pesky plant of yours!”. Frightened by this burly man wielding an ax, the monks quickly retreat. The fireman charges into the room, trips over a loose board and falls right into the mouth of the man eating plant! Now, this was a small town, remember, and it was now getting smaller all the time. They did not even have a police officer or a fire fighter now! So, the mayor called a meeting at the small old town hall. Once the few remaining residents has gathered, he asked them what they thought they should do about the monks and their man-eating plant. A little elderly woman near the back stands up and meekly says, “My nephew Hugh can stop them!” There is great commotion in response to this but, the people finally agree that this is as good of a plan as any, “not like we have anyone else, right?” And so, Hugh, goes down to the flower shop and demands that the monks leave town immediately and that they take their man-eating plant with them. And wouldn’t you know it, those monks took off faster than you could blink! The moral of this story, Hugh, and only Hugh can prevent Florist Friars.
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The Story Of The Snowman
The story of the snowman:
It had been snowing all night. So at…
8:00: I made a snowman.
8:10: A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman.
8:15: So, I made a snow woman.
8:17: My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman’s voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.
8:20: The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snowmen instead.
8:22: The transgender person asked why I didn’t just make one snow person with detachable parts.
8:25: The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
8:28: I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:31: The Muslim gent across the road demands the snow woman wear a burqa.
8:40: The Police arrive saying someone has been offended.
8:42: The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needs to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.
8:43: The council equalities officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.
8:45: TV news crew from CNN shows up. I am asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I reply, “Snowballs” and am called a sexist.
9:00: I’m on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobic sensibility offender bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
9:10: I am asked if I have any accomplices… my children are taken by social services.
9:29: Far left protesters offended by everything are marching down the street demanding for me to be beheaded.
Moral: There is no moral to this story. It’s just the world in which we live today and it’s going to get worse.
An Irish Blonde
An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.She said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude.” with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, “Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!”
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. “Yes! Yes! I won, I won!” She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, “What did she roll?” The other answered, “I don’t know – I thought you were watching.”
MORAL OF THE STORY
Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb,…. but all men…are men!
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