Joke Of The Day: Shopping For Jewelry

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Dec 042012
 

Rubber ChickenMel and his wife are walking down Main Street one evening. They stop at a jewelry store window.

She says, “Mel, I’d love those diamond earrings.”

He says, “No problem,” and takes a brick out of his pocket, smashes the window, and gets the earrings for her.

They walk away hastily and soon come upon another jewelry store.

In the window, there is this gorgeous diamond ring, and the wife says, “Mel, oh please, please, please, get me that ring.”

He looks around, sees there’s nobody around, takes a brick out of his pocket and hurls it at the window.

Now she’s got the earrings and this great ring, and they walk away… until they come to yet another jewelry store.

There’s this fantastic diamond necklace in the window. She starts begging, “Mel, Mel, just look at it. I need it!”

He looks at her and says “Whaddaya think, I’m made out of bricks?”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Lead In Your Pencil

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Nov 252012
 

Rubber ChickenGrandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park.

Johnny asked, “Grandpa are you going to take that new Viagra?”

Grandpa looks at him and says “No Johnny, I will not.”

“But Grandpa, why?” asks little Johnny.

Grandpa replies. “Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you have no one worth writing to.”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Fourth Marriage

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Nov 172012
 

Rubber ChickenA woman who had been married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.

“Of course, madam,” replied the sales clerk, “exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?”

The bride to be said, “A long frilly white dress with a veil.”

The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time – for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?”

“Well,” replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk’s directness, “I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride. You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he died as we were checking into our honey moon hotel. My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon hotel that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again.”

“What about your third husband?” asked the sales clerk.

“That one was a Democrat,” said the woman, “and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened.”