Joke Of The Day: Deep Thoughts

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Apr 072014
 
Rubber Chicken What deep thinkers men are… I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.

My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing and I said ‘nothing’. The reason I said that instead of saying ‘just thinking’ is because she would have said ‘about what’. At that point I would have to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics which would lead to other questions.

Finally I thought about an age-old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.

Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, “It might be nice to have another child.” On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, “You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts.” I rest my case.

 

 

Joke Of The Day: The Quickie

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Mar 302014
 
Rubber Chicken A man is walking home one night when he spots a woman in the shadows.

“Quick fun just $20” she whispers seductively as he gets to her.

He’d never been with a hooker before, but he decides what the hell? It’s been awhile, he’s running early, and it’s only $20.

So he steps into the bushes with her and very soon, they’re going at it.

Suddenly a light flashes on them — it’s a cop.

“What’s going on here?” asks the officer.

“I’m making love to my wife,” the man answers indignantly.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” says the cop, “I didn’t know.”

“Well,” said the man, “neither did I, until you shined that light in her face.”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Beer Contains Female Hormones

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Mar 242014
 
Rubber Chicken Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and couldn’t drive.

No further testing is planned

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Potential And Reality

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Mar 202014
 
Rubber Chicken A kid asks his father for help on a writing assignment. “Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?”

His father looks up thoughtfully and says, “I’ll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you’ve learned.”…

The kid is puzzled, but asks his mother. “Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?”

“Don’t tell your father, but, yes, I would.”

He then goes to his sister’s room. “Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?”

She replies, “Omigod! Definitely!”

The kid goes back to his father. “Dad, I think I’ve figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on $2 million bucks, but in reality, we’re living with two sluts.”

 

 

Mar 172014
 

Michelle Obama Is A Man! This video claims to present irrefutable and scientific proof that will establish beyond any reasonable doubt that Michelle Obama is in fact a man.

This should make humorless liberal heads explode!


IRREFUTABLE PROOF that Michelle Obama IS A MAN

This video will prove, that the person, commonly referred to, as “the first lady” of the United States, may be, ‘the first Queen’ at best – but he most certainly, is ‘not a lady.’ Let’s find out why. This video will examine the following:

It will examine Michelle’s male hands, male shoulders, male torso, male genitalia, and overall, male proportions. It will also look at how, a carefully designed wardrobe, a wide hairdo, a persistent ‘facially distorting smile,’ and ‘carefully selected press photos,’ have all succeeded, in suppressing the revelation of Michelle’s undeniable, male, physical, form.

While this information is “controversial and shocking” to say the least, it is being shared, because it is the Truth; It is being presented so that people can stop “living the lie”, that is being dished out by the U.S. Government, and the mainstream media.

Many people are unfamiliar with the more ‘subtle physical differences’ that can be found between men and women. While Michelle Obama works very hard to distort the more obvious differences, he fails miserably at hiding them all. Let’s take a close look at some of the male traits that he has failed to conceal. We will begin, by looking at the hands.

The scientific community, has known for a long time, that a man’s ring finger, is typically longer than a man’s indexfinger. Here are two clear pictures – that illustrate the differences in ring finger proportions, on male and female hands. Notice how the man’s ring finger is visibly longer than his index finger. While it is not uncommon for a woman to have the ring finger and index finger at very similar lengths, it is almost unheard of for a woman to have a visibly longer, ring finger.

See for yourself, by looking at both of your hands. Relax your hands. Put them flat on a table. Pull the fingers together, and notice the length of your ring finger. Now compare it to the length of your index finger. Your hands will now testify, against Michelle Obama, every time you look at them.

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