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Tag: Men
8 Words With 2 Meanings
8 Words with 2 meanings…
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female…… Any part under a car’s hood.
Male….. The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female…. Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.
Male….. Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female… The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner.
Male… Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n.
Female….. A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male…… Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female…. A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male…… Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female…. An embarrassing by-product of indigestion.
Male…… A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female…… The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male….. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female…. A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male… A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
Determine A Man’s Age By Home Depot
A Man’s age according to Home Depot!
This is about the way it goes…
You are in the middle of some home projects: putting in a new fence, painting the porch, planting some flowers and fixing a broken door lock. You are hot and sweaty, covered with dirt, lawn clippings and paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit — shorts with a hole in the crotch, an old T-shirt with a stain from who-knows-what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.
Right in the middle of these tasks you realize that you need to run to Home Depot for supplies. Depending on your age you might do one of the following:
In your 20s: Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because, you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout line. And yes, you went to school with the pretty girl running the register.
In your 30s: Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change your shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it! Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister of someone you went to school with.
In your 40s: Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brut is almost empty so don’t waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The hot young thing running the register is your daughter’s age and you feel weird about thinking she’s spicy.
In your 50s: Stop what you are doing. Put on a hat. Wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don’t want to get dog crap in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember — the hat you have on is from Bubba’s Bait & Beer Bar and it says, ‘I Got Worms ‘.
In your 60s: Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat any more. Hose the dog crap off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50s. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute but you don’t have your glasses on, so you’re not sure.
In your 70s: Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until you call the drug store to have your prescriptions ready for pick too and check your grocery list for a quick stop there. Got to save trips! Don’t even notice the dog crap on your shoes. The young thing at the register stares at you and you realize your privates are hanging out the hole in your crotch… who cares.
In your 80s: Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you need to go to Home Depot. You go to Wal-Mart instead. You went to school with the old lady greeter. You wander around trying to remember what you are looking for. Then you fart out loud and turn around thinking someone called your name.
In your 90s & beyond:
What’s a home deep hoe?
Something for my garden?
Where am I?
Who am I?
Why am I reading this?
Did I send it?
Did you?
Who farted?
Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives
Fourteen Logical Reasons Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives
- The later you are, the more excited your dog is to see you.
- Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name.
- Dogs like it if you leave lots of things on the floor.
- Dogs’ parents never visit.
- Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
- You never have to wait for a dog; they’re ready to go, instantly, 24 hours a day.
- Dogs find you amusing when you’re pissed.
- Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
- Dogs won’t wake you up at night to ask: “If I died, would you get another dog?”
- If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and sell ’em.
- When you drop a silent one, dogs don’t run around frantically with room spray.
- Dogs will let you put a studded collar on, without calling you a pervert.
- If a dog smells another dog on you, it won’t kick you in the crotch; it just finds it interesting.
- If a dog runs off and leaves you, it won’t take half your stuff….
And last, but not least:
Makes you wonder…:)
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