Joke Of The Day: Man Of The House

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Mar 012013
 

Rubber ChickenA husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, “You Can Be THE Man of Your House.”

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, “From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word isLaw. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m done eating my meal, you will serve me a scrumptious dessert.. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want!

Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?”

The wife replied, “The friggin’ funeral director would be my first guess.”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: The Tired Robber

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Feb 222013
 

Rubber ChickenThe judge frowned at the tired robber and said, “Then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights?”

”Yes, your honor.”

“And why was that?”

“Because my wife wanted a dress.”

The judge checked his records, “But it says here you broke in three nights in a row!”

“Yes sir. She made me exchange it two times.”
 

Random Riddle: 2-14-2013

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Feb 142013
 

She's a Justice of the Peace

Hold your mouse over for the answer.

How can a woman living in New Jersey, legally marry 3 men, without ever getting a divorce, be widowed, or becoming legally separated?

 

 

Joke Of The Day: True Love

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Feb 142013
 

Rubber ChickenThis 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge in Cincinnati he asked her, “What did you steal?”

She replied, “A can of peaches.”

The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches, and she replied that she was hungry.

The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can.

She replied, “6.”

The judge said, “Then I will give you 6 days in jail.”

Before the judge could conclude the trial, the woman’s husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something.

The judge said, “What is it?”

The husband said, “She also stole a can of peas.”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: My Wife Is Deaf

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Feb 132013
 

Rubber ChickenA concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, “Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.”

“Well,” the doctor replied, “go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn’t reply move about 5 feet close and say it again. Keep doing this so that we’ll get an idea about the severity of her deafness”.

Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”

He hears no response.

He moves about 5 feet closer and asks again.

No reply.

He moves 5 feet closer.

Still no reply.

He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”

She replies, “For the fourth time, vegetable stew!”

 

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