Marriage Archives - Page 79 of 108 - Common Sense Evaluation

Joke Of The Day: The Art Of Presentation

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Sep 192014

Two Wives chatting in office:

Wife 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours?

Wife 2: It was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 mins & fell asleep in 2 mins.

How was yours?

Wife 1: Oh mine was amazing!

My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour.

When we came home he lit the candles around the house. It was like a fairy tale!

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work

Husband 1: How was your evening?

Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate & fell asleep.

And what about you?

Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there’s no dinner, they cut the electricity because I forgot to pay the bill. So I took her out for dinner which was so expensive that didn’t have money left for a cab or auto.

We walked home which took an hour & when we got home, I remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house.

MORAL: PRESENTATION DOES MATTER…
NO MATTER WHAT THE REALITY IS

Joke Of The Day: The Signature

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Sep 172014

Mr. Greenberg was an illiterate immigrant, but he worked hard, saved his pennies, and started a small business. It did well, and soon he had enough money to send for the wife and children. The work kept him very busy, so he never had time to learn to write, but the bank was happy to do business with him, even though his signature consisted of two X’s.

He prospered, he opened more stores, the kids were transferred to private schools, the family moved into a fancy house (with one staircase going nowhere just for show)…you get the idea.

One day his banker, Mr. Smith, asked him to drop by.

“So vat’s the problem?” Greenberg asked, a bit anxiously.

Smith waved a bunch of checks at him. “Perhaps nothing,” he said, “but I wanted to be on the safe side. These recent checks of yours are all signed with 3 X’s, but your signature of record has just 2.”

Greenberg looked embarrassed. “I’m sorry about making trouble,” he said, “but my vife said that since I’m now such a high-class rich guy, I should have a middle name!”

Joke Of The Day: The Angry Wife

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Sep 122014

An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him.

“What’ll you have?” he asked. “Oh, I don’t know. The same as you I suppose,” she replied.

So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel’s and threw his down in one shot.

His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out.

“Yuck, that’s TERRIBLE!” she spluttered. “I don’t know how you can drink this stuff !”

“Well, there you go,” cried the husband. “And you think I’m out enjoying myself every night!”

Why Men Can’t Win

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Sep 032014

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you’re a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework, you’re a pansy.

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. If you don’t work enough, you’re a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your ass and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, it’s equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, its sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, it’s male indifference.

If you cry, you’re a wimp. If you don’t, you’re an insensitive bastard.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you’re a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she’s a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn’t enjoy, that’s domination. If she asks you, it’s a favor.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you’re a pervert. If you don’t, you’re a fag.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you’re a sexist pig. If you don’t, you’re unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you’re vain. If you don’t, you’re a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you’re after something. If you don’t, you’re not thoughtful.

If you’re proud of your achievements, you’re up on yourself. If you don’t, you’re not ambitious.

If you’re totally beat after a hard day, you don’t give a damn about other people’s needs. If she’s totally beat after a hard day, she’s tired.

If you want it too often, you’re over sexed. If you don’t, there must be “someone else”.

Joke Of The Day: Choosing The Right Woman

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Sep 032014

A wealthy man decided it was time for him to get married, but he was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. So he gave each woman $5,000 and watched to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover — she went to a fancy beauty salon to get her hair done, buys new makeup and several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second went shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third woman invested the money in the stock market and very quickly earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was quite impressed.

But how did he choose which one to marry?

If you don’t know the answer, you’re not thinking. He’s a man: he married the one with the biggest boobs.

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