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“How often should I plan to have sex?”, the young bridegroom asked his grandfather on his wedding night.
Grandpa said, “When you’re first married, you want it all the time, Maybe several times a day. Later on, sex tapers and you have it maybe once a week or so. Then, as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year maybe on your anniversary.” “Well, how about you and grandma now?” The younger man asked. Grandpa replied, “Oh, we just have oral sex now.” “What’s oral sex?” the young bridegroom asked. “Well”, said Grandpa, “she goes to bed in her bedroom, I go to bed in my bedroom. She yells, SCREW YOU, and I holler back, SCREW YOU TOO.” |
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A woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive.
The woman says to the clerk at the counter, “I’m looking to buy a pet for my husband but I’m on a very short budget!.” “No worries,” replies the clerk. “We’ve just ordered in a very large bullfrog that can perform fellatio.” “Fellatio,” says the woman, buying the frog, thinking it would be a great gag gift, so she goes home and gives the frog to her husband explaining the frogs talent. With a laugh the husband walks off leaving the frog in the kitchen. In the middle of the night the woman wakes up to the sound of pots and pans flying around in the kitchen. She goes down to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks. “What are you two doing?” she asks. “Well,” says the husband. “If I can teach this frog to cook you are outta here.” |
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Nathan wakes up one morning to discover his house is on fire. He picks up his son Jack and rushes out. Once Jack is safe, he goes in for his elder son Joe and rushes out with him. He then rescues his wife. Next is the cat. Then he goes back into the house and comes out a couple of time without bringing out anyone.
A passer-by, who had stopped to notice the proceedings, asked him, “Who are you going in for?” Nathan replies, “Uh…its my mother-in-law. I am turning her over.” |
