Tag: Marriage

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: First Day In Prison

Rubber Chicken On my first day in prison, my cellmate said to me “If you ever come close to me, I’ll skin you alive. When we’re sleeping, you don’t touch me. You hear me? Don’t ever talk to me, either.”

“Great.” I thought, “First day in here and I’m already married.”

 

 

 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: $10 For Three Minutes

Joke Of The Day: $10 For Three Minutes In the early 1930’s, a farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost. “$10 for three minutes,” replied the pilot.

“That is too much,” said the farmer.

The pilot thought for a second and then said, “I will make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for three minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. However, if you make a sound, you will have to pay $10.”

The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed, the pilot said to the farmer, “I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man.”

“Maybe so,” said the farmer, “but I have to tell you, I almost screamed when my wife fell out.”

 

 

 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: A Bad Memory

Joke Of The Day: A Bad Memory I was talking with a group of friends.

“Yeah, I’ll never forget the time we took this trip to Del Rio, Texas…”, when my wife chimed in with, “Oh, no sweetie. It wasn’t Del Rio, it was Galveston. Don’t you remember? We stopped at that nice bed and breakfast?”

“Galveston? Really? Okay, well, it doesn’t matter. Anyway, we took this trip to Galveston and we were driving our old Buick…”

She piped up again. “Darling, no. Don’t you remember? It wasn’t the Buick – we took the Bronco! Remember? You spilled your coffee on the seats?”

“Was it? I thought it was… okay, again, it doesn’t matter. So, okay, we took the Bronco to Galveston. And on the way, we stopped at this Cracker Barrel restaurant…”

“Sweetheart,” she interrupted again, “Oh, your memory is so bad! It wasn’t a Cracker Barrel. It was a Denny’s!”

I’d finally had enough. I turned to her and I said, “Woman, that is the last time you’re going to bust in to my story and correct me. I am the MAN of the family, and what I say is LAW! If you interrupt me just one more time, I’m going to smack you into tomorrow!”

You know, I didn’t see that woman again for five days. For five days I didn’t see that woman.

On the sixth day, I could see her a little bit out of my left eye…

 

 

 

Funny Jokes

Why Aren’t You Married Yet?

Snappy Comebacks to the age old question “Why aren’t you married yet?”

  1. You haven’t asked yet.
  2. I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life.
  3. What? And spoil my great sex life?
  4. Why aren’t you thin yet?
  5. Because I just love hearing this question.
  6. Just lucky, I guess.
  7. It gives my mother something to live for.
  8. My fiancee is awaiting his/her parole.
  9. I’m still hoping for a shot at Miss/Mr. America.
  10. Do you know how hard it is to get two tickets to Miss Saigon?
  11. I’m waiting until I get to be your age.
  12. It didn’t seem worth a blood test.
  13. I already have enough laundry to do, thank you.
  14. Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating.
  15. My co-op board doesn’t allow spouses.
  16. I’d have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund.
  17. They just opened a great singles bar on my block.
  18. I wouldn’t want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness.
  19. I guess it just goes to prove that you can’t trust those voodoo doll rituals.
  20. What? And lose all the money I’ve invested in running personal ads?
  21. We really want to, but my lover’s spouse just won’t go for it.
  22. I don’t want to have to support another person on my paycheck.
  23. Nobody would believe me in white.
  24. I’m married to my career, although recently we have been considering a trial separation.
  25. (Bonus reply for Single Mothers) Because having a husband and a child would be redundant.

 

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