Little Johnny was talking to a couple of boys in the school yard. Each was bragging about how great his father was.
The first one said, “Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow and start to run. I tell you, he gets there before the arrow!”
The second one said, “Ha! You think that’s fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet!”
Little Johnny listened to the other two boys and shook his head. He then said: “Sorry, dudes, but MY DAD is the fastest. He’s a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30, and he’s home by 3:45!”
Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park.
Johnny asked, “Grandpa are you going to take that new Viagra?”
Grandpa looks at him and says “No Johnny, I will not.”
“But Grandpa, why?” asks little Johnny.
Grandpa replies. “Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you have no one worth writing to.”
Little Johnny’s neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.
When mother and new baby came home from the hospital Johnny’s family was invited over to see the baby.
Before they left their house, Little Johnny’s dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby’s missing ears or even said the word ears he would be grounded for the rest of the month.
Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.
When Johnny looked in the crib he said, “What a beautiful baby.”
The mother said, “Why, thank you, Little Johnny.”
Johnny said, “He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes.”
“Can he see?” asked Little Johnny.
“Yes”, the mother replied, “we are so thankful. The Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.”
“That’s great”, said Little Johnny, “cuz he’d be screwed if he needed glasses!”