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It’s early fall, Joe is out raking leaves.
He sees his chocolate Lab come around the corner of the garage, carrying something in his mouth. The Lab drops it at his feet. It’s the neighbor’s poodle. It’s dead. “Oh, no.” Now what do you do? Joe is panicking. The neighbors aren’t home. They only have one car and it’s gone. He goes over into their yard, takes the little poodle and puts it on the leash that’s lying there. He thinks to himself, “It was an old dog, maybe they’ll think it died of natural causes.” Joe goes back to raking leaves and trying to look like everything’s normal. The neighbors come home. The wife sees the little poodle lying in the front yard. She runs over, picks it up and cuddles it, crying away. Joe walks over, remembering to act normal, and says, “Is your little dog OK?” “No!”, she says. “No!” “He died two days ago! Some horrible monster dug him up and put him back on his leash!”
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A young mother gave birth to a beautiful baby boy.
But he was born without eyelids. The doctor advised her, “Don’t worry madam, we haven’t circumcised him yet, so we’ll use the leftover skin to give him a set of eyelids, and he will be as good as new.” With a horrified look, she turned to the doc and said: “What? He’ll be cock-eyed and when he’s old enough to go to school, the other kids will call him ‘dick-face’!” Smiling, the doctor re-assured her: “I doubt anyone will notice. It’s a perfectly painless procedure performed by professional plastic surgeons, with a 99.9% proven success rate. Just think of the foresight he’ll have.”
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Two men were traveling on an airplane. About half-way through the trip the pilot made an announcement: “Ladies and Gentlemen, we regret to tell you that one of our engines is not working, but don’t worry, we have two back-up engines. Please expect a delay of one hour.”
A few minutes later the pilot makes another announcement: “Ladies and gentlemen, we have lost one of our back-up engines, but don’t worry, we still have the other engine. This just means we’ll be delayed two hours from our destination.” One man turned to the other and said: “We better not lose the third engine, or we’ll be up here forever!”
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