Tag: Joke Of The Day

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Ben and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom’s thoughts, Ben volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Allison and I are just roommates.”

About a week later, Allison came to Ben and said, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. “You don’t suppose she took it, do you?”

Ben said, “Well, I doubt it, but I’ll write her a letter just to be sure.”

So he sat down and wrote: “Dear Mother, I’m not saying you ‘did’ take a gravy ladle from my house, and I’m not saying you ‘did not’ take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.”

Several days later, Ben received a letter from his mother which read:

“Dear Son, I’m not saying that you ‘do’ sleep with Allison, and I’m not saying that you ‘do not’ sleep with Allison. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom.”

Bobby hesitated and sadly told Lenny his cat died.

“What?! You shouldn’t have broken the news to me like that! You should have done it slowly. The first time I called, you should have told me she was on the roof. The second time I called, you should have said there was no way to get her down. The third time I called, you should have told me that you tried to get her off the roof, but she fell down and died,” explained Lenny.

Bobby apologized and went about his day.

About a week later, Lenny called again and asked, “How’s my Granny?”

There was a long silence, and then Bobby replied. “Well, she’s on the roof.”

“In over 20 years I haven’t because I try to remain professional.”

With that Bob dropped his trousers revealing the tiniest penis the doctor had ever seen. It wasn’t any bigger than a AAA battery.

The doctor burst into uncontrollable hysteria. “I’m sorry I really am, I don’t know what came over me, I promise it won’t happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?”

“It’s swollen” said Bob.

He died in her home and a few days after his death the smoke alarm in her garage went off. She had lived there 28 years, and it had never gone off before. She couldn’t turn it off so she called the security company that installed it.

The next morning, the smoke alarm sounded again, and the reason finally dawned on her. She said aloud, “Ok dad, I missed the signal yesterday, but I get it now! Thanks for letting me know that you are safe on the other side. Now turn the thing off so I don’t have to call the security company again.” The alarm fell silent.

She immediately called her priest to tell him the good news. His response: “Dear lady, if every time your father sends you a message he sets off the smoke alarm, just where in do you think he’s calling from?”