Joke Of The Day

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day
Sep 042010
 

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, ‘Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!’

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of a Ferrari and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them:

Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation but I’ll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach-front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account.

If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account.

If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each.

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?’

At this point, the father, who had remained silent holding a shot gun, places a hand firmly on the man’s shoulder and tells him.

‘You gonna try again.

Moral of the Day: Italian Wedding Test

 Jokes  Comments Off on Moral of the Day: Italian Wedding Test
Jun 232010
 

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome and didn’t really want to overcome.

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn’t say a word.

She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me.” I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside.

With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

“The moral of this story is:”
“Always keep your condoms in your car.”

Joke Of The Day

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day
Jun 102010
 

Three men are discussing their previous night’s lovemaking.

The Italian says, “My wife, I rubbed her all over with fine olive oil, then we make wonderful love. She screamed for five minutes.”

The Frenchman says, “I smooth sweet butter on my wife’s body, then we made passionate love. She screamed for 20 minutes.”

The Jewish man says, “I covered my wife’s body with schmaltz [chicken fat]. We made love and she screamed for six hours.”

The others say, “SIX HOURS? How did you make her scream for six hours?”

He shrugs. “I wiped my hands on the curtains.”

Opera Company of Philadelphia “Flash Brindisi” at Reading Terminal Market

 Amusing  Comments Off on Opera Company of Philadelphia “Flash Brindisi” at Reading Terminal Market
May 262010
 

On Saturday, April 24th, the Opera Company of Philadelphia teamed up with the Reading Terminal Market Italian Festival for a large-scale “Flash Opera” event! Over 30 members of the Opera Company of Philadelphia Chorus and principal cast members of LA TRAVIATA performed the famed “Brindisi” in the aisles of Reading Terminal Market, entertaining hundreds of Philadelphians, and proving that the perfect accompaniment for all things Italian is a little Verdi!