Tag: Irish
Joke Of The Day: Irish Coffee
 |
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask for his help in reviving her husband’s libido.
“What about trying Viagra?” asks the doctor. “It really works.” “Not a chance,” says she. “He won’t even take an aspirin.” “No problem,” replied the doctor. “Give him an ‘Irish Viagra.’ It’s when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won’t even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.” It wasn’t a week later that she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to progress. The poor dear exclaimed, “Oh, faith, T’was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!” “Really? What happened?” he asked. “Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate! He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, making wild, mad, passionate love to me on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!” “I don’t understand,” said the doctor. “Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn’t good”? “Oh, no, no, no, doctor! The sex was fine indeed! ‘Twas the best sex I’ve had in 25 years! But sure as I’m sittin’ here, I’ll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!” |
Joke Of The Day: Turner Brown
|
A skinny little Irishman goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this huge black guy standing next to him.
The big guy sees the little Irishman staring at him, he looks down and says: ‘7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pounds of testicles, Turner Brown.’ The little Irishman faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down, shakes him, and brings him to. The big guy says, ‘What’s wrong with you?’ In a weak voice the little guy says, ‘What did you say to me?’ The big dude says, ‘I saw your curious look and I figured I’d just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me….. I’m 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 pounds, and my name is Turner Brown.’ The little Irishman says: ‘Turner Brown’! Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, “Turn Around.” |
Joke Of The Day: The Irish Mirror
|
After living in the remote countryside of Ireland all his life, an old Irishman decided it was time to visit Dublin.
In one of the stores, he picks up a mirror and looks into it. Not ever having seen a mirror before, he remarked at the image staring back at him. ‘How ’bout that! he exclaims, ‘Here’s a picture of my Fadder .’ He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his dad, but on the way home he remembered his wife didn’t like his father, so he hung it in the shed, and every morning before leaving to go fishing, he would go there and look at it. His wife began to get suspicious of his many trips to the shed. So, one day after her husband left, she went to the shed and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, ‘So that’s the ugly bitch he’s running around with.’ |
Joke Of The Day: Deathbed Conversion
|
An old Irish man is lying in bed, very ill. His son is sitting at his bedside, expecting the end to come at any moment. The old man looks up at the boy and says, “Son, it’s time for you to get me a Protestant minister.”
The son is astounded. “But, Dad!” he protests, “You’ve been a good Catholic all you life! You’re delirious. It’s a priest ye be wanting now, not a minister.” The old man looks up at him and says, “Son, please. It’s me last request. Get a minister for me!” “But, Dad,” cries the son, “Ye raised me a good Catholic. You’ve been a good Catholic all your life. Ye don’t want a minister at a time like this!” The old man manages to croak out the words, “Son, if you respect me and love me as a father, you’ll go out and get me a Protestant minister right now.” The son relents and goes out and gets the minister. They come back to the house, and the minister goes upstairs and converts him. As the minister is leaving the house, he passes Father O’Malley coming quickly through the door. The minister stares solemnly into the eyes of the priest. “I’m afraid you’re too late, Father,” he says. “He’s a Protestant now.” Father O’Malley rushes up the steps and bursts into the old man’s room. “Pat! Pat! Why did ye do it?” he cries. “You were such a good Catholic! We went to St. Mary’s together! You were there when I performed my first mass! Why in the world would ye do such a thing like this?” “Well,” the old man says as he looks up at his dear friend. “I figured if somebody had to go, it was better one of *them* than one of *us*.” |
Load More