Tag: Irish

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: The Chinese Construction Worker

Rubber Chicken A foreman at a construction site gathers three of his workers: an Irishman, an Italian and a Chinese.

He says to the Irishman, “you’re in charge of Sweeping, I want this whole area swept up before I get back”.

He says to the Italian, “You’re in charge of shoveling. I want that pile shoveled into the truck so they can haul it away.”

He says to the Chinaman, “You’re in charge of supplies. No make sure that all gets done before I get back.”

Three hours later, he returns and none of the work is done.

The Irishman says, “I couldn’t find a broom. You left the China man in charge of supplies and he disappeared.”

The Italian says “And I couldn’t find a shovel”.

So the foreman starts walking and looking for the China man. Just then, the China man jumps out from behind a pillar and screams “SUPPLIES!!”

 

 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: Getting Through Customs

Rubber Chicken An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her,
‘Father, may I ask a favor?’

‘Of course child. What may I do for you?’

‘Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?’

‘I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.’

‘With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.’

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, ‘Father, do you have anything to declare?’

‘From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.’

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, ‘And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?’

‘I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.’

Roaring with laughter, the official said, ‘Go ahead, Father. Next please!’

 

 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: A Single Roll Of The Dice

Rubber Chicken An attractive blonde from Cork Ireland, arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.

She said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude.” with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, “Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!”

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. “Yes! Yes! I won, I won!” She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, “What did she roll?”

The other answered, “I don’t know – I thought you were watching.”

MORAL OF THE STORY
Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, but…. all men… are men!

 

 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: Stupid Wives

Rubber Chicken An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scotsman are in a bar discussing how stupid their wives are.

The English man says: You know my wife must be the most stupid woman on this planet. There was a sale down at the supermarket last week, she bought $300 worth of meat, and we don’t even have a freezer.

The Scotsman says: That’s nothing, my wife went out last week and bought a brand new car for $8000, and she can’t even drive.

The Irishman says: You think that’s stupid, I went home last week and my wife told me that she’d booked herself a two-week holiday in Tenerife. I watched her packing her case and she took nearly 400 condoms with her, and she doesn’t even have a penis.

 

 

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