Tag: Hell
Joke Of The Day: Northwest Hell
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A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in the long line of judgment. As he stood there he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the gates of heaven – others, though, were led over to Satan who threw them into the burning pit. But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss a soul off to one side into a small pile.
After watching Satan do this several times, the fellows curiosity got the better of him. So he strolled over and tapped Satan on the shoulder. ‘Excuse me, Prince of Darkness,’ he said.’ I’m waiting in line for judgment, but I couldn’t help wondering, why are you tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?’ ‘Ah, those…’ Satan said with a groan.’ They’re all from Seattle; they’re too wet to burn!’
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Joke Of The Day: Heaven Or Hell
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A spiritualist who’d recently been widowed met a colleague and reported excitedly that she’d just received a message from her dead husband – asking her to send him a pack of cigarettes.
“The only thing is,” she mused, “that I don’t know where to send them.” “Why not?” asked her friend. “Well, he didn’t actually say that he was in Heaven – but I can’t imagine he’d be in Hell.” “Hm,” responded the friend. “Well, maybe I shouldn’t bring this up, but. . . he didn’t mention anything about including matches in the package, did he?”
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Joke Of The Day: Turning Up The Heat
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Two Chicagoans die in an unfortunate car wreck.
Tragic, especially considering they didn’t exactly spend their days helping old ladies cross the street or volunteering at the Boys and Girls club. Nope, these fellows went straight to Hades. The Devil, as is his custom, goes to greet his two newest eternal residents, and despite rivers of lava and torrents of brimstone, they’re standing around in jackets. “Not hot enough for you?” asked the Devil. “What, this? Nah, this is like a Spring day in Chicago.” The Devil doesn’t take lightly to such a slight, so he decides to really turn things up. The renewed eternal hellfire and inferno has made the screams of the tormented souls in hell even louder. Rivers of lava overflowing their banks. The Devil goes to check on his two Chicagoans, and sure enough he sees them lounging in shorts and t-shirts. “Not hot enough for you?” the devil queries bewilderingly. “What, this? Nah, this is like a July in Chicago. In fact, I think the humidity was worse in the summer of ’96.” The Devil is even more incensed. He comes up with a new idea. Turn the thermostat way down. The cursed souls in Hell are greeted by new but equally unbearable type of torture. The lava stops flowing, brimstone stops glowing, and wouldn’t you know it, the ground they stand on has frozen solid. The Devil again searches out his two Chicagoans, and to his dismay, they’re hugging and cheering. “What’s this all about!?” the Devil roared. “THEY’VE DONE IT, IT’S FINALLY HAPPENED, THE CUBS WON THE WORLD SERIES!!!”
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