Joke Of The Day: Dolly Parton And Queen Elizabeth

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Feb 202017
 
Rubber Chicken Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.

They both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.

The angel said: “Unfortunately, there’s only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted.”

The angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.

Dolly took off her top and said: “Look at these, they’re the most perfect breasts God ever created and I’m sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.”

The angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.

The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushed it without saying a word.

The Angel immediately said: “OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven.”

Dolly was outraged and asked, “What was that all about? I showed you two of God’s own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?”

“Sorry, Dolly,” said the Angel, “but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair – no matter how big they are.”

 

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Three Nurses

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Oct 202016
 
Rubber Chicken Three nurses sadly pass away. They rise up into heaven, and there they approach the gate-keeper to plead their case for entering paradise.

So the keeper points to the first nurse, who says: “I worked in an emergency room. I treated many people, and always did my best to help. And although sometimes we would lose patients, I still think I deserve to enter.”

The gate-keeper glances at her file and admits her to heaven.

The second nurse then says, ” I used to work in the operating room, assisting surgeons. It was a lot of stress, and we lost many people, but I always did my best.”

The keeper glances at her file and motions her to enter.

“And you?” He asks the third nurse.

“I was a case manager for a HMO. I worked with thousands of patients.” She answers confidently.

The gate-keeper takes a long and careful look at her file. He pulls out a calculator and starts entering digits quickly, looking back from time to time at the woman’s file. After a few minutes like this, the keeper looks up, smiles at her and says: “Congratulations! You’ve been admitted to heaven…for five days!”

 

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Arriving In Heaven

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Oct 162016
 
Rubber Chicken A man arrives at the gates of Heaven.

St. Peter asks, “Religion?”

“Methodist,” the man says.

St. Peter looks down his list, and says, “Go to Room 24, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8.”

Another man arrives at the gates of Heaven.

“Religion?”

“Baptist.”

“Go to Room 18, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8.”

A third man arrives at the gates.

“Religion?”

“Jewish.”

“Go to Room 11, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8.”

The man says, “I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must we all be quiet when we pass Room 8?”

“Well, the Catholics are in Room 8,” St. Peter replies, “and they think they’re the only ones here.”

 

 

 

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