Tag: Golf

Jokes

Joke Of The Day

One day the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a $500 bet on the side. “But,” said the duffer, “since you’re obviously much better than I am, to even it a bit you have to spot me two ‘gotchas.’” The golf pro didn’t know what a “gotcha” was, but he went along with it. And off they went.

Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest of the club members were amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer $500. “What happened?” asked one of the members.

“Well,” said the pro, “I was teeing up for the first hole, and as I brought the club down, the jerk stuck his hand up between my legs and grabbed my crotch while yelling ‘Gotcha!’ Have you ever tried to play 18 holes of golf waiting for the second ‘gotcha’?”

Jokes

Joke Of The Day

John and Helen met while on vacation on the Gold Coast, and John fell head over heel ‘in love’ with her. But after a couple of weeks in which John took Helen out to various dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, etc. he was convinced that it was true love.

And so…..on the last night of his vacation, the two of them went to dinner and had a serious talk about how the relationship would continue. It’s only fair to warn you, I’m a total golf nut, I play in the Xmas Cup every year’ John said to his new found lady friend. ‘I eat, sleep and breathe golf, so if that’s going to be a problem, you’d better say so now!’

Helen took a deep breath and responded: ‘Since we’re being honest with each other, here goes … You need to know that I’m a hooker….’ ‘I see’, John replied. ‘That’s a problem, for sure.’ He spent some time looking down at the table, deep in thought. Then he added, ‘You know, it’s probably because you’re not keeping your wrists straight when you tee off.’

Jokes

Blonde Joke Of The Day

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde. The puzzled blonde kept staring at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, “It’s golf balls.”

Nevertheless, the blonde continued to stare at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said.

After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked,

“Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?”

Amusing

New Golf Terms

A ‘Rock Hudson’ – a putt that looked straight, but wasn’t

A ‘Saddam Hussein’ – from one bunker into another

A ‘Yasser Arafat’ – butt ugly and in the sand

A ‘John Kennedy Jr.’ – didn’t quite make it over the water

A ‘Rodney King’ – over-clubbed

An ‘OJ.’- got away with one

A ‘Princess Grace’ – should have used a driver

A ‘Princess Di’ – shouldn’t have used the driver

A ‘Condom’ – safe, but didn’t feel very good

A ‘Brazilian’ – shaved the hole

A ‘Rush Limbaugh’ – a little to the right

A ‘Nancy Pelosi’ – Way to the left and out of bounds

A ‘James Joyce’ – a putt that’s impossible to read

A ‘Ted Kennedy’ – goes in the water and jumps out

A ‘Pee Wee Herman’ – too much wrist

A ‘Sonny Bono’ – straight into the trees

A ‘Mickey Mantle’ – a dead yank

A ‘Paris Hilton’ – a very expensive hole

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