Tag: Genie

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: Drunk On A Cruise

Rubber Chicken A drunk goes on a cruise, and, having taken full advantage of the Alcohol Package, stumbles out on deck at night, trips, and falls overboard. Eventually he washes up on a deserted island. In the morning, after sleeping it off for a few hours, he wanders the beach aimlessly, kicking at the debris, until he kicks a bottle, out of which pops a Genie.

The genie says, “You’re in luck! I can grant you three wishes.”

The drunk says, “Okay, I want a bottle of booze that never gets empty.”

Poof, the bottle appears.

The drunk tries enthusiastically to see if he can empty the bottle, but every time he takes it from his lips to check the level of booze in the bottle, it’s still full.

The Genie, getting a bit impatient, says, “You still have two wishes left! Don’t waste them!”

The drunk replies, “Okay, I want two more bottles just like this one!”

 

 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: Three Wishes

Rubber ChickenAn explorer goes into an undiscovered tomb for the first time, and in the center of the tomb there is a lamp. So he picked it up and started to rub the dirt off of it, and out came a genie out of the lamp and he said “I want to know the person you hate the most”

The explorer said “That’s gotta be my ex-wife. Why?”

“I am a cursed genie, I will grant you three wishes but whatever you wish for your ex-wife will get double the amount.”

“OK, I wish for a billion dollars”

“Granted, but your ex-wife gets two billion”

“I wish for a mansion in California with a swimming pool, and tennis courts, everything”

“Granted your ex-wife gets two. This is your final wish”

The explorer walked around the room and came back to the genie with a stick and said “Ya see this stick, I’d like you to beat me half to death.”

 

 

Jokes Political

Joke Of The Day: The Magic Bottle

Joke Of The Day: The Magic BottleAfter insulting the female genie from the magic bottle, Carlos makes his wish: “To wake up with 3 women in my bed.”

She says, “So be it!” and disappears back into the bottle.

The next morning, Carlos wakes up with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding and Hillary Clinton. His penis is gone, his leg is broken and he has no health insurance.
 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: Three Wishes

Rubber ChickenAn explorer goes into an undiscovered tomb for the first time, and in the center of the tomb there is a lamp. So he picked it up and started to rub the dirt off of it, and out came a genie out of the lamp and he said “I want to know the person you hate the most”

The explorer said “That’s gotta be my ex-wife. Why?”

“I am a cursed genie, I will grant you three wishes but whatever you wish for your ex-wife will get double the amount.”

“OK, I wish for a billion dollars”

“Granted, but your ex-wife gets two billion”

“I wish for a mansion in California with a swimming pool, and tennis courts, everything”

“Granted your ex-wife gets two. This is your final wish”

The explorer walked around the room and came back to the genie with a stick and said “Ya see this stick, I’d like you to beat me half to death.”

 

 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: The Four Wishes

Rubber ChickenA Mexican (an undocumented Democrat), a Black, a Muslim and a Redneck were walking together on a beach when the Black stumbled over a bottle in the sand.

He picked up the bottle, rubbed the sand off it, and a Genie appeared.”I can only grant four wishes, “the Genie said. “Since there are four of you, you may have a wish apiece.”

Pointing at the Black, he said, “Since you found the bottle, you may have the first wish.”

The Black studied for a moment then said, “I wish for a fleet of ships so that I can gather all my people and take them back to our homeland, Africa ..”

Poof! It was done! Hundreds of ships appeared on the skyline.

The Mexican said, “I weesh for enough Cheby peekups to take all my people back to our homeland, May-he-co!”

Poof! It was done! Row after row of Chevrolet Pickups appeared on the beach.

The Muslim said, “I wish for ten thousand camels to take all of my people away from this horrible country loaded with infidels so we can live in peace in Muslim countries and serve Allah.”

Poof! It was done! ten thousand camels suddenly appeared on the beach.

Turning to the Redneck, the Genie asked, “And what is your wish?

The Redneck watched as the loaded pickups began moving toward the border, then looked out to sea and watched the loaded ships sailing out into the sunset, then he looked at all of the Muslims getting on top of the camels and riding off.

The Redneck said, “Just give me a Bud Light. It doesn’t get any better than this!”