Bob Hope Quotes

Bob Hope is one of the world’s most recognizable and beloved comedians. From his numerous radio and television shows to his shows with U.S. Troops around the world and much, much, more, Hope put a smile on the faces of all those in his presence. Read on to enjoy some laughs, courtesy of Bob Hope.

On Turning 70
“You still chase women, but only downhill”.

On Turning 80
“That’s the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing…”

On Turning 90
“You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”

On Turning 100
“I don’t feel old. In fact I don’t feel anything until noon then it’s time for my nap.”

On giving up his early career, boxing
“I ruined my hands in the ring … the referee kept stepping on them.”

On never winning an Oscar
“Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it’s called at my home, ‘Passover’.”

On golf
“Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees.”

On Presidents
“I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.”

“I’ve always enjoyed playing golf with a President. The only problem is that there are so many Secret Service men around there’s not much chance to cheat.”

“Clinton had the best score, Ford the most errors, and Bush the most hits. Me, I cheated better than ever.”

On Gerald Ford: “I’ve gotten a lot of mileage from my Jerry Ford jokes. So it’s fun to introduce him at dinners with lines like “You all know Jerry Ford – one of my most prized possessions is the Purple Heart I received for all the golf I’ve played with him.”

On Eisenhower: “By the time that Ike was elected President in 1952, his devotion to golf had become legendary. No administration ever had more sun-tanned Secret Service men.”

On why he chose showbiz for his career
“When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, ‘Congratulations, you have an eight-pound ham’.”

On receiving the Congressional Gold Medal
“I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.”

On his family’s early poverty
“Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.”

On his six brothers
“That’s how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom.”

On his early failures
“I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn’t for the stuff the audience threw at me.”

On going to heaven
“I’ve done benefits for ALL religions. I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.”

Why Do Members Of The Obama Administration Seem To Know So Little About Business?

In case you missed it, on a recent Glenn Beck Show, he had a graph that illustrated the percentage of each past president’s cabinet who had worked in the private business sector prior to their appointment to the cabinet. You know what the private business sector is… a real life business, not a government job. Here are the percentages.

T. Roosevelt…….. 38%

Taft………………….40%

Wilson …………….. 52%

Harding…………….49%

Coolidge………….. 48%

Hoover…………….. 42%

F. Roosevelt……… 50%

Truman……………..50%

Eisenhower………. 57%

Kennedy………….. 30%

Johnson…………….47%

Nixon………………. 53%

Ford………………… 42%

Carter………………. 32%

Reagan……………..56%

GH Bush………….. 51%

Clinton …………….. 39%

GW Bush…………. 55%

And the winner of the Chicken Dinner is…………..

Obama…………….. 8% !

Yep! That’s right! Only Eight Percent! The least by far of the last 19 presidents! And these people are trying to tell our big corporations how to run their business? They know what’s best for GM…Chrysler… Wall Street… and you and me?

How can the president of a major nation and society…the one with the most successful economic system in world history… stand and talk about business when he’s never worked for one?.. or about jobs when he has never really had one??!

And neither has 92% of his senior staff and closest advisers! They’ve spent most of their time in academia, government and/or non-profit jobs….or as “community organizers” ..when they should have been in an employment line.

MAY GOD HELP US THROUGH THIS TRIAL!

Joke Of The Day

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.

The letter read: Dear God,

I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment.

Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?

Sincerely, Edna

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars.

By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman.

The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends. Christmas came and went.

A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God.

All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.

It read: Dear God,

How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?

Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift..

By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it might have been those bastards at the post office.

Sincerely, Edna

Suicidal Muslims

Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide .. Let’s see now..

  • No Jesus
  • No Christmas
  • No television
  • No cheerleaders
  • No Nude Women
  • No car races
  • No football
  • No soccer
  • No golf
  • No tailgate parties
  • No pork BBQ
  • No hot dogs
  • No burgers
  • No chocolate chip cookies
  • No lobster
  • No shellfish, or even frozen fish sticks
  • No nachos
  • No Beer nuts
  • No Beer !!!!!!!!
  • Rags for clothes and towels for hats.
  • Constant wailing from the guy next-door because he’s sick and there are no doctors.
  • Constant wailing from the guy in the tower.
  • More than one wife.
  • You can’t shave.
  • Your wives can’t shave.
  • You can’t shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel dung.
  • The women have to wear baggy dresses and veils at all times.
  • Your bride is picked by someone else.
  • She smells just like your donkey, but your donkey has a better disposition.
  • Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better!

I mean, really, is there a mystery here?

The Fundamental Transformation of America!

When asked about questionable matters involving the new President, those who worship him say it doesn’t matter. Here are some of those items:

When Obama wrote a book and said he was mentored as a youth by Frank, (Frank Marshall Davis) an avowed Communist.

When it was discovered his grandparents were strong socialists, sent Obama’s mother to a socialist school and introduced Frank Marshall Davis to young Obama.

When people found out he was enrolled as a Muslim child in school and his father and step father were both Muslims.

When he wrote in another book he authored “I will stand with them (Muslims) should the political winds shift in an ugly direction”.

When he admitted in his book he chose Marxist friends and professors in college.

When he traveled to Pakistan after college on an unknown national passport, (it could NOT have been a US passport as the US didn’t have diplomatic relations with Pakistan at the time).

When he sought the endorsement of the Marxist party in 1996 when he ran for the Illinois Senate.

When he sat in a Chicago Church for twenty years and listened to a preacher spew hatred for America and preach black liberation theology.

When an independent Washington organization, that tracks senate voting records, gave him the distinctive title as the “most liberal senator”.

When the Palestinians in Gaza set up a fund raising telethon to raise money for his election campaign.

When his voting record supported gun control.

When he refused to disclose who donated money to his election campaign, as other candidates had done.

When he received endorsements from people like Louis Farrakhan, Mummar Kadaffi and Hugo Chavez.

When it was pointed out that he was a total newcomer and had absolutely no experience at anything except community organizing.

When he chose friends and acquaintances, such as Bill Ayers and Bernadine Dohrn, who were unrepentant revolutionary radicals.

When his voting record in the Illinois senate and in the U.S. Senate came into question.

When he refused to wear a flag lapel pin until after there was a public outcry.

When people started treating him as a Messiah and children in schools were taught to sing his praises.

When he stood with his hands over his groin area for the playing of the National Anthem and Pledge of Allegiance.

When he surrounded himself in the White House with advisors who were pro-gun control, pro-abortion, pro-homosexual marriage and wanting to curtail freedom of speech to silence the opposition.

When he aired his views on abortion, homosexuality and a host of other issues.

When he said he favors sex education in kindergarten, including homosexual indoctrination.

When his background was either scrubbed or hidden and nothing could be found about him.

When he had an association in Chicago with Tony Rezco, a man of questionable character, who is now in prison and had helped Obama to a sweet deal on the purchase of his home.

When it became known that George Soros, a multi-billionaire Marxist and Nazi sympathizer and money man behind MoveOn.org and other radical leftist organizations, spent a ton of money to get him elected.

When he started appointing “czars” without Senate approval that were radicals, revolutionaries, and even avowed Marxist/Communist.

When he stood before the nation and told us that his intentions were to “fundamentally transform this nation” into something else.

When it became known that he had trained ACORN workers in Chicago and served as an attorney for ACORN.

When he said that he consults with Andrew Stern (the most frequent visitor to the White House) and SEIU before making any important policy decisions.

When he appointed cabinet members and several advisors who were tax cheats and socialists.

When he appointed a science czar, John Holdren, who believes in forced abortions, mass sterilizations and seizing babies from teen mothers.

When he appointed Cass Sunstein as regulatory czar and he believes in “Explicit Consent,” harvesting human organs without family consent, and to allow animals to be represented in court, while banning all hunting.

When he appointed Kevin Jennings, a homosexual, and organizer of a group called gay, lesbian, straight, Education network, as safe school czar and it became known that he had a history of bad advice to teenagers.

When he appointed Mark Lloyd as diversity czar and he believed in curtailing free speech, taking from one and giving to another to spread the wealth and admires Hugo Chavez.

When Valerie Jarrett was selected as Obama’s senior White House advisor and she is an avowed Socialist.

When Anita Dunn, White House Communications director said Mao Tse Tung was her favorite philosopher and the person she turned to most for inspiration.

When he appointed Carol Browner as global warming czar, and she is a well known socialist working on Cap and Trade as the nation’s largest tax.

When he appointed Van Jones, an ex-con and avowed Communist as green energy czar, who since had to resign when this was made known.

When Tom Daschle, Obama’s pick for health and human services secretary could not be confirmed, because he was a tax cheat.

When as president of the United States, he bowed to the King of Saudi Arabia and the Emperor of Japan.

When he traveled around the world criticizing America and never once talking of her greatness.

When his actions concerning the middle-east seemed to support the Palestinians over Israel, our long time friend.

When he took American tax dollars to resettle thousands of Palestinians from Gaza to the United States.

When he upset the Europeans by removing plans for a missile defense system against the Russians.

When he played politics in Afghanistan by not sending troops the Field Commanders said we had to have to win.

When he started spending us into a debt that was so big we could never pay it off.

When he took a huge spending bill under the guise of stimulus and used it to pay off organizations, unions and individuals that got him elected.

When he took over insurance companies, car companies, banks, etc.

When he took away student loans from the banks and put them through the government.

When he designed plans to take over the health care system and put it under government control.

When he set into motion a plan to take over the control of all energy in the United States through Cap and Trade.

When he announced he was returning the masterminds of 9/11 to New York City to stand trial as ordinary criminals — not war criminals — and thus allow them the benefits from our system of jurisprudence, the mainstream media loved it and the people said it didn’t matter.(Oh really? Go ask an FDNY FF, NYPD Cop, NY EMS, NY Port Authority Cop or Transit Worker, or a 9/11 Families member who was at the World Trade Center 9/11/2001 and see if it matters.)

When he finally completed his transformation of America into a Socialist State, people finally woke up, but it was too late.

Any one of these things, in and of themselves does not really matter. But when you add them up one by one you get a phenomenal score that points to the fact that our Obama is determined to make America over into a Marxist/Socialist society. All of the items in the preceding paragraphs have been put into place. All can be documented very easily. Before you disavow this, do an Internet search. The last paragraph alone is not yet cast in stone. You and I will write that paragraph. Will it read as above or will it be a more happy ending for most of America ? Personally, I like happy endings.

If you are an Obama Supporter, please recognize that you have elected a president who is a ‘socialist’. There is simply no debate about these facts. But you need to seek the truth; you will be richer for it. Don’t just belittle the opposition. Search for the truth. I did. Democrats, Republicans, Independents, Constitutionalist, Libertarians and what have you, we all need to pull together. We all must pull together or watch the demise of a society that we all love and cherish. If you are a religious person, pray for our nation.

Never before in the history of America have we been confronted with problems so huge that the very existence of our country is in jeopardy. Don’t rely on most television news and what you read in the newspapers for the truth. Search the internet. Yes, there is a lot of bad information, lies and distortions there as well, but you are smart enough to spot the fallacies. Newspapers are a dying breed. They are currently seeking a bailout from the government. Do you really think they are about to print the truth? Obama praises all the television news networks except Fox who he is currently waging an open war against. There must be a reason. He does not call them down on any specifics, and he has failed to refute any facts presented – because it is all true. If they lie, he should call them out on it but he doesn’t. Please, find the truth, it will set you free.

Our biggest enemy is not China, Russia or Iran; no, our biggest enemy is the current contingent of politicians in Washington DC led by the Progressive Left Liberals who support the previously mentioned things.

Wake Up America! There’s still time in 2010 to take back America and send a message LOUD and CLEAR to those who think “it doesn’t matter.”

I happen to think “it does matter.”

Pass this on!

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