Tag: Death

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: The Pearly Gates

Rubber Chicken A woman who died found herself standing outside the Pearly Gates, being greeted by St. Peter.

She asked him, “Oh, is this place what I really think it is? It’s so beautiful.

Did I really make it to heaven?”

To which St. Peter replied, “Yes, my dear, these are the Gates to Heaven. But you must do one more thing before you can enter.” The woman was very excited, and asked of St. Peter what she must do to pass through the gates. “Spell a word,” St. Peter replied. “What word?” she asked.

“Any word,” answered St. Peter. “It’s your choice.” The woman promptly replied, “Then the word I will spell is love.L-o-v-e.”

St. Peter congratulated her on her good fortune to have made it to Heaven, and asked her if she would mind taking his place at the gates for a few minutes while he went to the bathroom.

“I’d be honored,” she said, “but what should I do if someone comes while you are gone?”

St. Peter reassured her, and instructed the woman to simply have any newcomers to the Pearly Gates to spell a word as she had done.

So the woman is left sitting in St. Peter’s chair and watching the beautiful angels soaring around her when a man approaches the gates. She realizes it is her loser husband.

“What happened?” she cried, “Why are you here?”

Her husband stared at her for a moment, then said, “I was so drunk when I left your funeral, I was in an accident. And now I am here? Did I really make it to Heaven?”

To which the woman replied, “Not yet. You must spell a word first.”

“What word?” he asked.

The woman responded, “Czechoslovakia.”

 

 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: The Man Who Thought He Was Dead

Rubber Chicken Perhaps you’ve heard of the man who thought he was dead, when in reality he was very much alive. His delusion became such a problem that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince the man he was still alive. Nothing seemed to work. Finally, the doctor tried one last approach. He took out his medical book and proceeded to show the patient that dead men don’t bleed.

After hours of tedious study, the patient seemed convinced that dead men don’t bleed.

“Do you now agree that dead men don’t bleed?” the doctor asked.

“Yes, I do,” the patient replied. “Very well, then,” the doctor said.

He took out a pin and pricked the patient’s finger. Out came a trickle of blood.

The doctor asked, “What does that tell you?”

“Oh my goodness!” the patient exclaimed as he stared incredulously at his finger… “Dead men do bleed!”

 

 

Amusing

Man Buried Riding His Harley Davidson

Man Buried Riding His Harley Davidson

Man Buried Riding His Harley Davidson

84-year old Billy Standley of Mechanicsburg, Ohio, who recently died of lung cancer, was buried straddling his Harley Davidson motorcycle in a casket made of Plexiglas and plywood. According to his family, it was a funeral he started planning 18 years ago.

“This was his dream,” said one of his daughters, Dorothy Brown.

David Vernon, director of the Skillman, McDonald and Vernon Funeral Home in Mechanicsburg, said that, when Standley first asked him about it, Vernon gave him one condition:

“I told him, ‘I have no problem doing this for you, but I don’t want you to come off that motorcycle.’ ”

So Standley and his sons designed a brace that hooked into the bike and led up his back to surround his rib cage. Five years ago, Standley went before the Champaign County Board of Health, which told him he’d have to come up with a special vault and drain all the fluids out of the bike before he could be buried with it.

A company in Springfield designed a modified septic tank for a vault. He bought three plots in a cemetery outside Mechanicsburg, next to where his wife, Lorna, is buried, so there would be enough land to bury him.

Standley and his sons also designed his casket. They painted the wood bright green, like the fields Bill imagined riding through for eternity. They painted the floor black with a single white stripe, like the highway that would take him wherever he was headed after this life.

“He lived to ride,” said his son Roy Standley.

His life was the stuff of legends.

Source…

Man Buried Riding His Harley Davidson 2

via Laughing Squid

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