Tag: Church

Jokes

You Know You Are In A Redneck Church If…

You Know You Are In A Redneck Church If…

  • You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if… people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5,000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch ’em.
  • You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if… when the pastor says, “I’d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering,” five guys and two women stand up.
  • You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if… opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
  • You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if… A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because “It ain’t never been in a hole it couldn’t get out of.”
  • You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if… The congregation of 500 members only has seven last names in the church directory.
  • You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if… people think “rapture” is what you get when you lift something too heavy.
  • You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if… the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub.
  • You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if… the collection plates are hubcaps from a 56 Chevy.
  • You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if… instead of bells, you are called to service by a duck call.
  • You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if… the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.
  • You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if… the communion wine is Boone’s Farm “Strawberry Hill”.
  • You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if… that “Thou shall not covet” thing applies to huntin’ dogs, too.

 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: A Well Rounded Church

Rubber Chicken There was a congregation that decided to have four worship services each Sunday.

There was one for those new to the faith.

Another for those who liked traditional worship.

One for those who had lost their faith and would like to get it back.

And another for those who had a bad experience with church and were complaining about it.

They have names for each of the services: “Finders, Keepers, Losers, Weepers.”

 

 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: Bake Sale Cake

Rubber Chicken Have you ever told a white lie? You are going to love this… especially all the ladies who bake for church events.

Alice was to bake a cake for the church ladies’ group bake sale, but she forgot to do it until the last-minute.

She baked an angel food cake and when she took it from the oven, the center had dropped flat.

She said, “Oh dear, there’s no time to bake another cake.”

So, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake.

Alice found it in the bathroom … a roll of toilet paper.

She plunked it in and covered it with icing.

The finished product looked beautiful, so she rushed it to the church. Before she left the house, Alice had given her daughter some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened, and to buy that cake and bring it home.

When the daughter arrived at the sale, the attractive cake had already been sold.

Alice was beside herself.

The next day, Alice was invited to a friend’s home where two tables of bridge were to be played that afternoon.

After the game, a fancy lunch was served, and to top it off, the cake in question was presented for dessert.

Alice saw the cake, she started to get out of her chair to rush into the kitchen to tell her hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, one of the other ladies said, “What a beautiful cake!”

Alice sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say,

“Thank you, I baked it myself.”

 

 

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