Mar 062015
Mar 022015
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The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American History.
Who said ‘Give me Liberty, or give me Death’?” She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Hodakio, a bright foreign exchange student from Japan, who had his hand up: “Patrick Henry, 1775,” he said. “Very good! — Who said, ‘Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth.’ Again, no response except from Little Hodakio: “Abraham Lincoln, 1863.” “Excellent!” said the teacher continuing, “Let’s try one a bit more difficult. Who said, ‘Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country’?” Once again, Hodakio’s was the only hand in the air and he said: “John F. Kennedy, 1961.” The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves, Little Hodakio isn’t from this country and he knows more about our history than you do.” She heard a loud whisper: “F**k the Japs.” “Who said that? I want to know right now!? she angrily demanded. Little Hodakio put his hand up, “General MacArthur, 1945.” At that point, a student in the back said, “I’m gonna puke.’ The teacher glares around and asks, ‘All right! Now who said that?” Again, Little Hodakio says, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.” Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? Suck this!” Little Hodakio jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, “Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!” Now with almost mob hysteria someone said, “You little shit! If you say anything else I’ll kill you!” Little Hodakio frantically yells at the top of his voice, “Michael Jackson to the children testifying against him, 2004.” The teacher fainted. As-the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, “Oh shit, we’re screwed!” Little Hodakio said quietly, “The American people, November 4, 2008.” |
Jan 132015
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A woman hears a knock a her door.
She answers and a man is standing on her front porch. “Hello” he says, “I’m your new neighbor. I’m obligated to inform you that I am a registered sex offender.” “This is totally unacceptable,” she proclaims, “I’m calling my congressman!” And she slams the door. A few seconds later there is another knock at the door. She opens the door and the same man is standing there. “Hello, I’m your congressman.” |
Adam And Eve
Funny
Comments Off on Adam And Eve
Oct 172014
And civilization would have ended right there!
Centraal Beheer is an insurance company from The Netherlands which has run a series of very successful commercials where something goes unexpectedly, sometimes horribly, wrong in the end.
Although some commercials have received praise as well as prestigious awards, others have been banned from the airwaves. One of those was a Bill Clinton commerical, and another one featured Adam and Eve from the Bible’s creation story. As if eating the forbidden fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil was not tragic enough, the advertising team created another unexpected fate.
Jul 112014
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One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of the day off. She started with “This was England’s finest hour.” Little Suzy instantly jumped up and said, “Winston Churchill.” “Congratulations,” said the teacher, “you may go home early.” The teacher then said, “Ask not what your country can do for you, but..” Before she could finish the quote, another young lady belts out, “John F. Kennedy!” “Very good,” says the teacher, “you may go also.” Irritated that he has missed two golden opportunities, Little Johnny said, “I wish those girls would just shut up.” Upon overhearing this comment, the outraged teacher demanded to know who said it. Johnny instantly rose to his feet and said, “Bill Clinton. I’ll see you Monday.” |