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A Sunday School teacher asked her class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by one drawing — it showed four people on an airplane!
Teacher: “What Bible story is that?” Kid: “It’s the flight to Egypt.” Teacher: “I see … and that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus … but who’s the fourth person?” Kid: “Oh, that’s Pontius, the Pilot.”
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A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands. The women were asked, “How many of you love your husband?” All the women raised their hands.
Then they were asked, “When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?” Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn’t remember. The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: “I love you, sweetheart.” Next, the women were instructed to exchange phones with another woman and read aloud the text message they received in response to their message. Below are hilarious 12 replies. If you have been married for quite a while, you understand that these replies are a sign of true love… Who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way? 1. Who is this? 2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what? 3. Yeah, and I love you too. What’s wrong? 4. What now? Did you wreck the car again? 5. I don’t understand what you mean? 6. What did you do now? 8. Don’t beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need? 9. Am I dreaming? 10. If you don’t tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die. 11. I thought we agreed you wouldn’t drink during the day. 12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn’t she? Kinda tugs at the heart, doesn’t it?
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A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk’s shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick, and he had a half-empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading. A couple of minutes later, he asked the priest, “Father, what causes arthritis?”
“Mister, it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man,” the priest replied. “Imagine that,” the drunk muttered. He returned to reading his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, turned to the man and apologized: “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?” “I don’t have arthritis, Father,” the drunk said, “but I just read in the paper that the Pope does!”
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