| I am as bright as the sunshine on a warm day, I can go a long way. I am seen on the young and the old that God made, but I can fade. I have only five letters in my name, and I am painted on both the strong and the lame. I can be as white as pearls, or as yellow as blond curls. I can never grow old, or never be sold, or turn to mold, but I am more precious than gold. |
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A fragile looking old man approaches a young woman at a grocery store.
He says, “Excuse me. I know this is going to sound awkward, but I was wondering if I could pay you to have sex with me.” She slaps him in the face and says, “I’m married. How dare you?” He replies, “I didn’t mean to offend you. Maybe you could ask him if he would be OK with it.” She slaps him in the face again and says, “I told you I am married. Are you ignorant or just stupid?” He says, “Look, I’m clean, but I’ll wear protection if that’s what you’re worried about. I just want to see that I can still perform, if you know what I mean. I will give you $200, no strings attached.” She says, “Fine, I will ask him. But if he says no, leave me alone.” He agrees. She steps away, phone in hand, then comes back a couple of minutes later and tells him, “My husband said OK, but you are just going to set the money in front of me and as soon as I pick it up, you are done. He’s expecting me to call back in less than five minutes.” Again, the man agrees. Five minutes go by, then ten, then twenty. Finally, a half hour later, the husband calls. “What is going on?” he yells. Struggling to breathe, she screams, “HE…PAID…WITH…QUARTERS!”
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| Surrounded by hills, I rest on an isle Known for its castles And “baggy” music style I can hide a monster |
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In Corvallis, Oregon, the two men entering the large, two-story brick building from the roof one night were prepared. While in prison, one of the men had become friends with an inmate who used to work in this particular building. Both now knew the floor plan, when security made its rounds, and, most importantly, that there was a large safe inside. A payroll safe — and tomorrow was payday!
After climbing down a rope ladder to the second floor, they proceeded to the first floor and found the safe. It was huge. Break-in proof. But they had an equalizer. Why spend four hours hammering and drilling trying to knock off the tumbler when a few sticks of dynamite would do the job in seconds? Why, indeed. Thirty seconds after lighting the fuses, they had their answer. In a tremendous explosion that practically leveled the building, the two were buried in a salvo of brick, wood, dirt, and debris. And that’s where the police found them. After a stint in the hospital, both men were tried, convicted, and sentenced to prison. What our two “dumbolition” experts didn’t know was that the company that used to occupy the building had relocated. The old safe was too costly to move, so they sold it to the incoming construction company, which found it perfect for storage of their dynamite!
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