Joke Of The Day: Ducks In Heaven

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day: Ducks In Heaven
Apr 192017
 
Joke Of The Day: Ducks In Heaven Three golfing partners died in a car wreck and went to heaven. Upon arrival they discover the most beautiful golf course they have ever seen.

St. Peter tells them that they are all welcome to play the course, but he cautions them that there is only one rule: Don’t hit the ducks during your first three months here. The men all have blank expressions, and finally one of them asks, “The ducks?”

“Yes”, St. Peter replies, “There are thousands of ducks walking around the course, and if one gets hit, he quacks, then the one next to him quacks and soon they’re all quacking to beat the band.

It really breaks the tranquility, and If you hit one of the ducks, you’ll be punished, Otherwise everything is yours to enjoy. ”

Upon entering the course, the men noted that there were indeed large numbers of ducks everywhere. Within fifteen minutes, one of the guys hit a duck. The duck quacks, the one next to it quacked and soon here was a deafening roar of duck quacks.

St. Peter walked up with an extremely homely woman in tow and asks, “Who hit the duck?” The guy who had done it admitted, “I did. ”

St. Peter immediately pulled out a pair of handcuffs and cuffed the man’s right hand to the homely woman’s left hand. “I told you not to hit the ducks,”, he said. Now you’ll be handcuffed together for eternity. ”

The other two men were very cautious not to hit any ducks, but a couple of weeks later, one of them accidentally did. The quacks were as deafening as before, and within minutes St. Peter walked up with an even uglier woman. He cuffed the man’s right hand to the homely woman’s left hand. “I told you not to hit the ducks,” he said; “Now you’ll be handcuffed together for eternity. ”

The third man was extremely careful. Some days he wouldn’t even play for fear of even nudging a duck. After three months, he still hadn’t hit a duck. St. Peter walked up to the man at the end of the three months, and had with him a knock-out, gorgeous woman – the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen. St. Peter smiled at the man and then, without a word, handcuffed him to the beautiful woman and walked off. The man, knowing that he would be handcuffed to this woman for eternity, let out a contented sigh and said aloud, “I wonder what I did to deserve this?

The woman responds, “I don’t know about you, but I hit a duck.”

 

 

 

Bill (According to Dr. Seuss)

 Funny, Political  Comments Off on Bill (According to Dr. Seuss)
Apr 182017
 
President Clinton’s Deposition

by Dr. Seuss
I’m here to ask,
As you’ll soon see…
Did you grope
Miss Lewinsky?
Did you grope her
In your house?
Did you grope
Beneath her blouse?
I did not do that
Here or there…
I did not do that
Anywhere!
I did not do that
Near or far…
I did not do that
Starr-you-are!

Did you smile?
Did you flirt?
Did you peek
Beneath her skirt?
And did you tell
The girl to lie
When called upon
To testify?

I do not like you
Starr-you-are…
I think that you
Have gone too far!
I will not answer
Any more…
Perhaps I will go
Start a war!
The public’s easy
To distract
When bombs are
Falling on Iraq!

Bill (According to Dr. Seuss)
 

Woman Allergic To Her Husband

 Amusing  Comments Off on Woman Allergic To Her Husband
Apr 182017
 

BBC News reports on the case of Johanna Watkins who has a rare disorder (Mast Cell Activation Syndrome) that has caused her to become allergic to a whole bunch of stuff, including the scent of her husband. The allergy only developed after they got married.

At this point, they live in the same house but can no longer get close to each other. Instead they communicate via phone. Their “date night” involves watching a show together: “he will be three floors below me in a room on his laptop and I will be on mine and we’ll watch the show at the same time and then text about it as we’re watching it.”

Woman Allergic To Her Husband

This reminds me of the 1949 case of Joyce Holdridge, aka the “Allergic Bride,” who broke out in a rash every time she was near her husband. She was the first reported case of a wife who developed an allergy to her husband. (I wrote a fairly long article about her for about.com, but it looks like about.com has since deleted it.)

After the Holdridge case, quite a few women came forward claiming to be allergic to their husband. So allergic wives are definitely a recurring theme in weird news. For whatever reason, cases of husbands who are allergic to their wives are much rarer (although not nonexistent).

 
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Dog Behaviors Explained

 Infographics  Comments Off on Dog Behaviors Explained
Apr 182017
 

A chart that will help you finally understand your dog.

In order to really understand what your dog is trying to tell you, it’s important to observe their body language and listen to the noises they make.

You may think you know exactly what your dog is saying by wagging its tail, for example. But were you aware that this can signify a number of feelings – from excited, playful or attentive, to apprehensive and even slightly nervous?

Our visual guide offers an overview of some common dog behaviours and expressions, to help you understand what exactly your dog is trying to communicate.

dog-behaviors-explained

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