Joke Of The Day: Coffin

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Apr 242017
 
Joke Of The Day: Coffin A man was walking home alone late one night when he hears a BUMP… BUMP… BUMP… behind him.

Walking faster he looks back, and makes out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him … BUMP… BUMP… BUMP…

Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him … faster… faster… BUMP… BUMP… BUMP…

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the coffin crashes through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping … clappity-BUMP… clappity-BUMP… clappity-BUMP… on the heels of the terrified man.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps. With a loud CRASH the coffin breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything … but all he can find is a box of cough drops! Desperate, he throws the cough drops at the coffin … and lo and behold the coffin stops!
 

 

 

Murphy’s Law Of Children

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Apr 232017
 

Murphy’s Law of Children

1. The later you stay up, the earlier your child will wake up the next morning.

2. For a child to become clean, something else must become dirty.

3. Toys multiply to fill any space available.

4. The longer it takes you to make a meal, the less your child will like it.

5. Yours is always the only child who doesn’t behave.

6. If the shoe fits..it’s expensive.

7. The surest way to get something done is to tell a child not to do it.

8. The gooier the food, the more likely it is to end up on the carpet.

9. Backing the car out of the driveway causes your child to have to go to the bathroom.

10. The more challenging the child, the more rewarding it is to be a parent..sometimes.

 

Joke Of The Day: In Heat

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Apr 232017
 
Joke Of The Day: In Heat Her dog was in heat, but she agreed to look after her neighbor’s male dog while the neighbor was on vacation. She had a large house and she believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.

As she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling sounds.

She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and unable to disengage.

Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, and although it was very late at night, she called her vet ,who answered in a very grumpy voice.

After she explained the problem to him, the vet said, “Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw.”

“Do you think that will work?” she asked.

“Just worked for me,” he replied.

 

 

 

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