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Feb 162016
Joke Of The Day: Praying For Food
Jokes
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Feb 162016
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A Mexican family crosses over the border to the Land of Milk and Honey where the streets are paved with gold. But the husband can find no work.
His family is hungry, so he takes a walk to a quiet place at the foot of a big hill, kneels at the base of a tree, and begins to pray: “Sweet Jesus, please show me a way to feed my family…” Eyes closed, the Mexican does not see the Black man coming over the top of the hill, who is stumbling wildly with a broken grocery sack. When the Mexican man opens his eyes, a large wheel of cheddar cheese rolls down the hill and lands at his feet! “Oh, thank you Jesus, thank you!” he cries, grabs the cheese, and runs straight home. Upon returning home, he gives the cheese to his wife and instructs her to make nachos. “But wouldn’t you rather have cheese enchiladas and burritos and other things?” she inquires. “No,”the husband says, “Jesus sent this to me with a message… As I ran home, I kept hearing Him yell, ‘THAT’S NACHO CHEESE! THAT’S NACHO CHEESE!’ |
Feb 152016
Feb 152016
As I was driving home and worrying about all the stuff going on in my life, my family’s lives, my friends’ lives and what’s happening in Paris, Washington, Moscow, Ukraine, the Middle East, Socialism, Trump, ISIS, the downgrading of our military, 25,000 Syrian refugees, the terrorists and illegals infiltrating our borders, and how our country is rapidly losing its sanity and its Christianity, I saw a road sign that said:
“NEED HELP? CALL JESUS
1-800-005-3159”
Out of curiosity and desperation, I called the number.
A Mexican showed up with a lawnmower.
Scalia Found Dead With A Pillow Over His Head
Political
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Feb 152016
Nothing says died of “natural causes” like a pillow over the head.
A first-time guest to the Cibolo Creek Creek Ranch, U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia was animated and engaged during dinner Friday night, as one of three dozen invitees to an event that had nothing to do with law or politics, according to the ranch owner.
Just hours later, he would be found dead of apparent natural causes, which media outlets were reporting Sunday was a heart attack.
“He was seated near me and I had a chance to observe him. He was very entertaining. But about 9 p.m. he said, ‘it’s been a long day and a long week, I want to get some sleep,” recalled Houston businessman John Poindexter, who owns the 30,000-acre luxury ranch.
When Poindexter tried to awaken Scalia about 8:30 the next morning, the judge’s door was locked and he did not answer. Three hours later, Poindexter returned after an outing, with a friend of Scalia who had come from Washington with him.
“We discovered the judge in bed, a pillow over his head. His bed clothes were unwrinkled,” said Poindexter.
“He was lying very restfully. It looked like he had not quite awakened from a nap,” he said.
Scalia,79, did not have a pulse and his body was cold, and after consulting with a doctor at a hospital in Alpine, Poindexter concluded resuscitation would have been futile, He then contacted federal authorities, at first encountering a series of answering services because he was calling on a weekend.
“Ultimately they became available and handled it t superbly. They flew in by helicopter. They told me to secure the ranch, which I did until this morning,” he said.