Joke Of The Day

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Sep 092010
 

A petty thief, a teacher and a politician die in a plane crash and go up to Heaven’s gates together.

When they get there they are stopped by St. Peter, who says: “Sorry, it’s crowded up here, you need to answer a question correctly, or else you can’t get in.”

He looks at the teacher, and asks her: “What was the name of the famous ocean-liner that sank after hitting an iceberg?”

“Oh, that’s easy,” the teacher replies, “the Titanic.”

So St. Peter lets her into Heaven.

Next he turns to the petty thief.

“How many people died on that ship?” St. Peter asks.

“Oooh, that’s tough, but I saw the movie, and I think it was 1,500.”

St. Peter steps away and the thief walks into Heaven.

Finally, St. Peter turns to the politician and says: “Name them.”

Joke Of The Day

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Sep 082010
 

There was a Scottish painter named Smokey MacGregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.

As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Baptist Church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of one of their biggest buildings.

Smokey put in a bid, and, because his price was so low, he got the job.

So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with turpentine.

Well, Smokey was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky opened, and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking Smokey clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.

Smokey was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got down on his knees and cried:

“Oh, God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?”

And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke…

“Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!”

Einstein’s Other Theory

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Sep 082010
 

Few people remember that the Nobel Prize winner married his cousin, Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage dissolved in 1919.

He stated that he was attracted to Elsa because she was well endowed. He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts, the attraction is even stronger if there is a DNA connection..

This came to be known as Einstein’s Theory of Relative Titty.