Joke Of The Day

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Jul 272010
 

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. “There’s no way they can catch a Mercedes,” he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100…. Then the reality of the situation hit him. “What am I doing?” he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. “It’s been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it’s Friday the 13th. I don’t feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go.”

The guy thinks for a second and says, “Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!”

“Have a nice weekend,” said the officer.

Dogs and Men

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Jul 272010
 

How Dogs and Men Are Alike

1. Both keep moving, even when they are lost.
2. Both take up too much space on the bed.
3. Both have irrational fears about the vacuum cleaner.
4. Both are threatened by their own kind
5. Neither understands what people see in cats.
6. Both want dominance.
7. Both do the dishes by licking them clean.
8. Both chase cars.
9. The larger ones tend to drool.
10. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.

How Dogs Are Better Than Men

1. Dogs don’t have problems expressing affection in public.
2. Dogs miss you when you are gone.
3. You can train a dog.
4. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
5. Dogs understand what “NO!” means.
6. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
7. When dogs play “fetch,” they don’t laugh at how you throw.
8. Dogs are color blind.
9. Dogs understand if some of their friends aren’t allowed to come inside.
10. Dogs are less likely to hump your leg.

How Dogs are Better Than Women

1. Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
2. Dogs don’t hate their bodies.
3. Dogs don’t criticize.
4. Dogs never expect gifts.
5. Dogs don’t want to know about every other dog you’ve ever had.
6. Dogs don’t let a magazine article guide their lives.
7. Dogs love it when your friends come over.
8. The later you are coming home, the more excited they are to see you.
9. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name.
10. A dog’s parents never visit.

I Fought For You By

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Jul 262010
 

Speakers Up.. Tissue Box Opened::: If you want people to get the chills, and instill a sense of pride in our country and military, this is the one! This gripping, patriotic film short is great to honor vets, remember the fallen and teach kids the price of their freedom.

Pass it on!