Butch the Prize Winner

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Oct 292009
 

John was in the fertilized egg business.

He had several hundred young layers (hens), called ‘pullets,’ and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.

Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.

Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

John’s favourite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch’s bell hadn’t rung at all!

When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, could run for cover.

To John’s amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn’t ring.

He’d sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making.

Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren’t paying attention.

Oct 292009
 

This is by far the best explanation of the Muslim terrorist situation I have ever read. His reference to past history is accurate and clear. Not long, easy to understand, and well worth the read. The author of this email is Dr. Emanuel Tanay, a well known and well respected psychiatrist.

Pass it on!

A German’s View on Islam

A man, whose family was German aristocracy prior to World War II, owned a number of large industries and estates. When asked how many German people were true Nazis, the answer he gave can guide our attitude toward fanaticism. “Very few people were true Nazis,” he said, “but many enjoyed the return of German pride, and many more were too busy to care. I was one of those who just thought the Nazis were a bunch of fools. So, the majority just sat back and let it all happen. Then, before we knew it, they owned us, and we had lost control, and the end of the world had come. My family lost everything. I ended up in a concentration camp and the Allies destroyed my factories.”

We are told again and again by ‘experts’ and ‘talking heads’ that Islam is the religion of peace, and that the vast majority of Muslims just want to live in peace. Although this unqualified assertion may be true, it is entirely irrelevant. It is meaningless fluff, meant to make us feel better, and meant to somehow diminish the spectra of fanatics rampaging across the globe in the name of Islam.

The fact is that the fanatics rule Islam at this moment in history… It is the fanatics who march.. It is the fanatics who wage any one of 50 shooting wars worldwide… It is the fanatics who systematically slaughter Christian or tribal groups throughout Africa and are gradually taking over the entire continent in an Islamic wave… It is the fanatics who bomb, behead, murder or honor-kill… It is the fanatics who take over mosque after mosque… It is the fanatics who zealously spread the stoning and hanging of rape victims and homosexuals… It is the fanatics who teach their young to kill and to become suicide bombers.

The hard quantifiable fact is that the peaceful majority, the ‘silent majority,’ is cowed and extraneous. Communist Russia was comprised of Russians who just wanted to live in peace, yet the Russian Communists were responsible for the murder of about 20 million people. The peaceful majority were irrelevant.

China’s huge population was peaceful as well, but Chinese Communists managed to kill a staggering 70 million people. The average Japanese individual prior to World War II was not a war mongering sadist. Yet, Japan murdered and slaughtered its way across South East Asia in an orgy of killing that included the systematic murder of 12 millionChinese civilians; most killed by sword, shovel, and bayonet.

And who can forget Rwanda which collapsed into butchery. Could it not be said that the majority of Rwandans were ‘peace loving’? History lessons are often incredibly simple and blunt, yet for all our powers of reason we often miss the most basic anduncomplicated of points: Peace-loving Muslims have been made irrelevant by their silence. Peace-loving Muslims willbecome our enemy if they don’t speak up, because like my friend from Germany, they will awaken one day andfind that the fanatics own them, and the end of their world will have begun.

Peace-loving Germans, Japanese, Chinese, Russians, Rwandans, Serbs, Afghans, Iraqis, Palestinians, Somalis,Nigerians, Algerians and many others have died because the peaceful majority did not speak up until it was too late. As for us who watch it all unfold, we must pay attention to the only group that counts; the fanatics who threaten our way of life.

Lastly, anyone who doubts that the issue is serious and just deletes this email without sending it on is contributing to the passiveness that allows the problems to expand. So, extend yourself a bit and send this on and on and on! Let us hope that thousands, world wide, read this and think about it, and send it on before it’s too late.

Emanuel Tanay, M.D.
2980 Provincial St. Ann Arbor, MI 48104
734-997-0256

Joke Of The Day

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Oct 292009
 

A duck walked into a hardware store and asked the man behind the counter, “Do you have any gwapes?”

The man replied, “Uh…no.” The duck turned around and left.

The next day the same duck came back and asked the same man, “Do you have any gwapes?”

The man, getting quickly irritated, said, “No, we do not have any grapes! And, if you come in here one more time and ask for grapes, I’m gonna staple your feet to the floor!”

The duck quickly waddled out of the store. The next day the duck came back and stepped up to the same man and asked, “Do you have any staples?”

The man shouted, “No!”

Then the duck said, “Do you have any gwapes?”

Halloween Groaners

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Oct 282009
 

Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Dayscare centers.

What do witches put on their hair? Scare spray.

What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? Bamboo.

What kind of mistakes do spooks make? Boo-boos.

What kind of cereal do monsters eat? Ghost Toasties.

What does Tweety Bird say on Halloween? Twick or tweet.

Where do spooks water ski? Lake Erie.

Where do ghosts mail their letters? The Ghost Office.

What’s a ghost’s favorite carnival ride? The roller ghoster.

How do you mend a broken Jack-O-Lantern? With a pumpkin patch.

When does a skeleton laugh? When something tickles his funny bone.

Why was the mummy so tense? He was all wound up.

What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? Spare ribs.

What do goblins mail while on vacation? Ghostcards.

What’s a ghost’s favorite party game? Hide and go shriek.

What do baby ghosts wear on their feet? Boo-ties.

What did the boy ghost say to the girl ghost? You look boo-tiful tonite.

What is a ghosts favorite article of clothing? Boo jeans.

What does a ghost put on his cereal? Boonanas and booberries.

Who did the ghost invite to his party? Anyone he could dig up.

What is a monster’s favorite snack? Ghoul Scout Cookies.

What did the skeleton say while riding his motorcycle? I’m bone to be wild.

Why does Dracula consider himself a good artist. Because he likes to draw blood.

What is a vampire’s favorite candy? A red sucker.

What do ghosts put in their coffee? Scream and sugar.

What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? A sand-witch.

What do ghosts eat for dinner? Spookgetti.

Why do girl ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures.

Why was the ghost such a messy eater? Because he was always goblin his food.

What tops off a ghosts ice cream sundae? Whipped scream.

What’s a mummies favorite type of music? Wrap.

What song do vampires hate? You Are My Sunshine.

What type of monster really loves dance music? The Boogieman.

Where does a ghost go on Saturday night? Someplace he can boo-gie.

Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the party? He had no body to dance with.

What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal event? A boo-tie.

Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? He didn’t have a haunting license.

Where did the goblin throw the football? Over the ghoul line.

What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire? A toasty ghostie.

What kind of makeup do goblins wear? Mas-scare-a.

Which building do vampires hang out at in New York? The Vampire State Building.

What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon? A sour puss.

Which instrument do skeletons play? The trom-bone.

Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? He didn’t have the guts.

How do you know vampires like baseball? Every night they turn into bats.

What is it like to be kissed by a vampire? A real pain in the neck.

Why did Dracula take cold medicine? To stop his coffin.

What do you call two witches living together? Broommates.

What do you call a witch’s garage? A broom closet.

Why don’t mummies take vacations? They’re afraid to relax and unwind.

Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the boos, of course.

What kind of dog does Dracula have? A bloodhound.

Why did the vampire quit the baseball team? They would only let him be the bat boy.