Ted Kennedy Jokes

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Aug 282009
 

1. This just in from Akron……..Ted Kennedy has been sober for 12 hours. More to follow.

2. How did people find out Ted was dead? He didn’t show up to the bar this morning!!

3. Ted Kennedy is a shovel ready project.

4. Saint Peter: “I don’t care how drunk you were, Ted, it’s still murder!”

5. Ted Kennedy died and it’s George Bush’s fault. Obama will address that in his next speech.

6. Thank goodness Kennedy died so we can focus on something other than Obama’s performance. If we are lucky we can focus on Pelosi, Feinstein, and Schumer too.

7. Is this God’s way of taking away the democrats filibuster proof Senate?

8. What’s black, white and hungry? Ted Kennedy’s cat.

9. Kennedy was so full of himself he floated. So full of #### he’s dead

10. Is there life after death? Don’t ask Ted Kennedy, because he has been responsible for three.

11. If Ted Kennedy is to be buried in Martha’s Vineyard, the island will sink below sea level.

12. They have named a drink after Ted Kennedy. It’s called the Chappaquiddick. It’s made by mixing Gin and murky water.

13. Much like his brother, Ted Kennedy will also have an eternal flame in Arlington Cemetery, but for his they are just going to strike a match to his liver.

14. ok, Ted is dead, its all just water under the bridge now.

15. Ted also had a plan to stimulate the Auto industry but his was called cash for kerplunkers.

16. Ted Kennedy never became president because unlike George Washington, he couldn’t cross a river.

17. Teds’ friends say he wasn’t much of a golfer because he always ended up in the water hazard.

18. During the battle in Nasaria, the Marines called up Kennedy because he had experience with crossing a bridge while being bombed.

19. With news of Ted’s death, the Massachusetts liquor industry is now going to need a bailout.

20. For the funeral apparently the Dead Kennedys will be performing.

21. Ted Kennedy is now eligible to vote in Chicago.

Joke Of The Day: Cannibal Restaurant

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Aug 272009
 

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu…

+ Broiled Missionary: $10.00
+ Fried Explorer: $15.00
+ Grilled Republican : $20.00
+ Baked DEMOCRAT: $100.00

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, ‘Why such a price difference for the Democrat?’

The cook replied, “Have you ever tried to clean one? They’re so full of shit, it takes all morning.”

Smoke and Mirrors in Montana

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Aug 272009
 

I received this email the other day. Although the female Patriot source wishes to remain anonymous, I thought it important to share it. Since we aren’t represented by the FRAUDULENT “Main Stream Media” anymore, it’s important that we circumvent them and show the public what’s “really” going on with the Obama Administration. It’s sickening. Please share this with friends and family.


Hello All,

By now you have probably heard that President Obama came to Montana last Friday. However, there are many things that the major news has not covered. I feel that since Bill and I live here and we were at the airport on Friday I should share some facts with you.

Whatever you decide to do with the information is up to you. If you chose to share this email with others I do ask that you DELETE my email address before you forward this on.

On Wednesday, August 5th it was announced locally that the President would be coming here. There are many groups here that are against his healthcare and huge spending so those groups began talking and deciding on what they were going to do. The White House would not release ANY details other than the date.

On about Tuesday Bill found out that they would be holding the “Town Hall” at the airport. (This is only because Bill knows EVERYONE at the airport) Our airport is actually located outside of Belgrade (tiny town) in a very remote location. Nothing is around there. They chose to use a hangar that is the most remotely located hangar. You could not pick a more remote location, and you can not get to it easily. It is totally secluded from the public. FYI: We have many areas in Belgrade and Bozeman which could have held a large amount of folks with sufficient parking. (gymnasiums/auditoriums). All of which have chairs and tables, and would not have to be SHIPPED IN!! $$$$$ During the week, cargo by the TONS was being shipped in constantly. Airport employees could not believe how it just kept coming. Though it was our President coming several expressed how excessive it was, especially during a recession. $$$$$

Late Tuesday/early Wednesday the 12th, they said that tickets would be handed out on Thursday 9am at two locations and the president would be arriving around 12:30 Friday.

Thursday morning about 600 tickets were passed out. However, 1500 were printed at a Local printing shop per White House request. Hmmmm……900 tickets just DISAPPEARED. This same morning someone called into the radio from the local UPS branch and said that THOUSANDS of Dollars of Lobster were shipped in for Obama. Montana has some of the best beef in the nation!!! And it would have been really wonderful to help out the local economy. Anyone heard of the Recession?? Just think…with all of the traveling the White House is doing. $$$$$ One can only imagine what else we are paying for.

On Friday Bill and I got out to the airport about 10:45am. The groups that wanted to protest Obama’s spending and healthcare had gotten a permit to protest and that area was roped off. But that was not to be. A large bus carrying SEIU (Service Employees International Union) members drove up onto the area (illegal)and unloaded right there. It was quite a commotion and there were specifically 2 SEIU men trying to make trouble and start a fight. Police did get involved and arrested the one man but they said they did not have the manpower to remove the SEIU crowd.

The SEIU crowd was very organized and young. About 99% were under the age of 30 and they were not locals! They had bullhorns and PROFESSIONALLY made signs. Some even wore preprinted T-shirts. Oh, and Planned Parenthood folks were with them…..professing abortion rights with their T-shirts and preprinted signs. (BTW, all these folks did have a permit to protest in ANOTHER area)

Those against healthcare/spending moved away from the SEIU crowd to avoid confrontation. They were orderly and respectful. Even though SEIU kept coming over and walking through, continuing to be very intimidating and aggressive at the direction of the one SEIU man.

So we had Montana folks from ALL OVER the state with their homemade signs and their DOGS with homemade signs. We had cowboys, nurses, doctors you name it. There was even a guy from Texas who had been driving through. He found out about the occasion, went to the store, made a sign, and came to protest.

If you are wondering about the press…..Well, all of the major networks were over by that remote hangar I mentioned. They were conveniently parked on the other side of the buildings FAR away. None of these crowds were even visible to them. I have my doubts that they knew anything about the crowds. We did have some local news media around us from this state and Idaho. Speaking of the local media…they were invited. However, all questions were to be turned into the White House in advance of the event. Wouldn’t want anyone to have to think off the top of their head.

It was very obvious that it was meant to be totally controlled by the White House. Everything was orchestrated down to the last detail to make it appear that Montana is just crazy for Obama and government healthcare. Even those people that talked about their insurance woes……..the White House called our local HRDC (Human Resource and Development Committee) and asked for names. Then the White House asked those folks to come. Smoke and mirrors…EVERYTHING was staged!!!!!!!!!!!

I am very dismayed about what I learned about our current White House. The amount of control and manipulation was unbelievable. I felt I was not living in the United States of America, more like the USSR!! I was physically nauseous. Bill and I have been around when Presidents or Heads of State visit. It has NEVER been like this. I am truly very frightened for our country. America needs your prayers and your voices. If you care about our country please get involved. Know the issues. And let Congress hear your voices again and again!! If they are willing to put forth so much effort to BULLY a small town one can only imagine what is going on in Washington DC. Scary!!


Joke Of The Day: Two Crocodiles

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Aug 272009
 

Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake.

The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, “I can’t understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We’re the same age; we were the same size as kids. I just don’t get it.”

“Well,” said the big Croc, “what have you been eating?” “Politicians, same as you,” replied the small Croc.

“Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?” “Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Capitol.”

“Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?” “Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock the car door, then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of them and eat ’em!”

“Ah!” says the big Crocodile, “I think I see your problem. You’re not
getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a Politician, there’s nothing left but an asshole and a briefcase.