Joke Of The Day: Moral of the Story

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Aug 162009
 

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Kathy said, “My father’s a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess.””And what’s the moral of the story?” asked the teacher.”Don’t put all your eggs in one basket!”

“Very good,” said the teacher. Now, Lucy?”

“Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks. And the moral to this story is, don’t count your chickens until they’re hatched.”

“That was a fine story Lucy.

Johnny do you have a story to share?”

“Yes, ma’am, my daddy told me this story about my Uncle Bob. Uncle Bob was a pilot in Vietnam and his plane got hit. He had to bail out over enemy territory and all he had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun, and a machete. He drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t break and then he landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. He killed seventy of them with the machine gun until he ran out of bullets, then he killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke, and then he killed the last ten with his bare hands.”

“Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?”

“Don’t screw with Uncle Bob when he’s been drinking.”

Husband Jumps in River to Escape His Nagging Wife

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Aug 162009
 


A funny true story with a happy ending.


A Chinese lorry driver jumped into a fast-flowing river because he couldn’t take his wife’s nagging anymore.

Zhou and his wife were on a ferry on the Yangtze River when it all became too much for him, reports the Chongqing Evening Post.

Members of the ship’s crew saw the man suddenly run out of his cabin with his hands covering his ears, and shouting: “I can’t stand it any longer.”

They initially thought he was suffering from an ear injury and went to help him but found he was unhurt.

“While we were still puzzling over the this, his wife ran up and continued nagging him,” said one crewmate.

“The husband covered his ears again and said: ‘I need a break’ before jumping over the side into the rushing river.

“We immediately found lamps to light up the water but found nobody. The possibility of survival can be zero.”

However, later that night, police found the man who had managed to swim more than a mile across across the broad river.

“I felt I was dying, but even that’s better than my wife’s nagging,” he reportedly told the police.

The couple were reunited the following morning at the local police station where Zhou’s wife promised to give up her habit of nagging him.

Source…


Why?

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Aug 152009
 

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they already know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but have to check when you say the paint is still wet?

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends — if they’re okay, then it’s you.