My Sincerest Regrets on the Death of Your Son, by Barack Obama

 Amusing  Comments Off on My Sincerest Regrets on the Death of Your Son, by Barack Obama
Jun 142009
 

Mr. and Mrs. Jones
Main Street
Anywhere, USA

Re: The Death of Your Son, Private Jones

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Jones:

As President of the United States, the hardest thing I have to do is send young men and women into combat. Tragically, some die defending our freedoms. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your son in Afghanistan.

Having never served in the military, knowing nothing about the military, being a rather naive lawyer and community organizer, and having two daughters who I will never send into harm’s way, I cannot imagine how hard it is to lose a brave Marine like your son. Please accept my sincerest condolences for your loss and be assured our thoughts and prayers are with you at this time.

Perhaps the most tragic of all is the fact that he was shot and killed by Mohammed Bin Bomben– an honor graduate of our “Adopt a Jihadist Program” (See: Obama’s “Adopt-A-Jihadist” Program for Gitmo Prisoners) which you may have read about. Bin Bomben was himself killed in the firefight and we were not only saddened by the loss of your son but also greatly disappointed that Bin Bomben returned to the battlefield after being rehabilitated in Saudi Arabia. Although he promised he would never return to the battlefield and kill American troops, it seems he broke his promise to us and did just that. Sadly, his release from Guantanamo resulted in the loss of your son. We are deeply sorry about this.

Sometimes a President faces hard choices, and this is one of those. You see, I made a campaign promise back in 2008 that I would close Guantanamo and release the alleged enemy combatants who were captured on the battlefield during the Bush Administration. I made this promise because my left wing, “Blame America First” supporters demanded that we close the facility and release those prisoners. Even though there is no empirical support for the proposition, I believe that if we close that facility, the world and the terrorists will love the United States once more. After all, it is more important to be loved than respected or feared. I am sure you understand this. Some have said that I did not think this out before I campaigned on this promise; others say I was naive to assume that we could rehabilitate terrorists and return them to their own country certain that they would never do us harm again. Well, I may have not thought this out ahead of time, and perhaps I was naive to think that they would not return to the battlefield and shoot our brave young soldiers again. However, that is a risk that I, as President, must take. After all, a campaign promise is a campaign promise. And above all, I want to show the world we are kind and compassionate. As with any new government program, the Adopt a Jihadist Program has kinks to be ironed out. Certainly, there is a remote chance that some of these hard-core terrorists sworn to destroy America may possibly return to the battlefield and kill our soldiers–like your brave son. But, that is just one of those unfortunate things that happens. I am sure you understand. Again, I am deeply sorry for your loss.

Sincerely,
Barack H. Obama
President of the United States

Source…

Lawyer Humor

 Amusing  Comments Off on Lawyer Humor
Jun 142009
 

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

___________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he’s twenty-one.

________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh….

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

________________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started a round 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

 Older Entries  Newer Entries