March 2009 - Page 20 of 34 - Common Sense Evaluation

Redneck Medical Dictionary

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Mar 152009

Benign – What you be, after you be eight.
Artery – The study of paintings
Bacteria – Back door to cafeteria
Barium – what doctors do when patients die
Cesarean section – a neighborhood in Rome
Cat scan – searching for kitty
Cauterize – made eye contact with her
Colic – a sheep dog
Coma– a punctuation mark
D & C – Where Washington is
Dilate – to live long
Enema – Not a friend
Fester – quicker than someone else
Fibula – a small lie
Genital – a non-Jewish person
GI series – World series of military baseball
Hangnail – what you hang your coat on
Impotent – distinguished, well-known
Labor pain – getting hurt at work
Medical staff – a doctor’s cane
Morbid – a higher offer
Nitrates – cheaper than day rates
Node – I knew it
Outpatient – a person who has fainted
Pap Smear – A fatherhood test
Pelvis – second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative – a letter carrier
Recovery room – place to do upholstery
Rectum – darn near killed him
Secretion – hiding something
Seizure – a Roman emperor
Tablet – a small table
Terminal Illness – getting sick at the airport
Tumor – one more plus one more
Urine – opposite of you’re out
Varicose – nearby / close by

Joke Of The Day

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Mar 152009

A seafood restaurant had a sign in the window that read, “Big Lobster Tales, $5 each.”

Amazed at the great value, a man stopped in and asked the waitress, “Five dollars each for lobster tails. Is that correct”?

“Yes,” she said. “It’s our special just for today.”

“Well,” he said, “They must be little lobster tails.”

“No,” she replied, “It’s the really big lobster.”

“Big red lobster tails, $5 each”? he said, amazed. “They must be old lobster tails!”

“No, they’re definitely today’s.”

“Today’s big red lobster tails, $5 each”? he repeated, astounded.

“Yes,” she insisted.

“Well, here’s my five dollars,” he said. “I’ll take one.”

She took the money and led him to a table where she invited him to sit down. She then sat down next to him, put her hand on his shoulder, leaned over close to him and said,

“Once upon a time, there was a really big, red lobster…”

Oath Keepers – Guardians of the Republic

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Mar 152009

God Bless The Oath Keepers – The Guardians of the Republic, and all those who choose to defend The Constitution of The United States of America against any and all threats, foreign or domestic.

God Bless America!

Oath Keepers is an association of currently serving military, veterans, and peace officers who will fulfill the oath we swore to support and defend the Constitution against all enemies, foreign and domestic, so help us God.

Our oath is to the Constitution, not to the politicians (or the banksters!), and we will not obey unconstitutional (and thus unlawful) and immoral orders, such as orders to disarm the American people or to place them under martial law and deprive them of their ancient right to jury trial. We Oath Keepers have drawn a line in the sand. We will not just follow orders.”

Our motto is Not on our watch!

Guardians of the Republic. Honor Your Oath. Join Us!

If you, the American people, are forced to once again fight for your liberty in another American Revolution, you will not be alone. We will stand with you.

Some mistakenly believe they must follow any order the President issues. But you can rest assured that many others in the military do understand that their loyalty is to the Constitution, and understand what that means.

The mission of Oath Keepers is to vastly increase their numbers. We are in a battle for the hearts and minds of our own troops. To win that battle, Oath Keepers will use written and video testimony of active duty military, veterans (especially combat vets), and peace officers to reach, teach, and inspire our brothers in arms in the military and police to fulfill their oaths and stand as guardians of the Republic.

If you are currently in the military, are a veteran, or are a peace officer, please submit you written and/or video testimony on your oath, so you can help us win that battle for hearts and minds. Your submission may be anonymous.

Guardians of the Republic, honor your oath. Join us.
Go to Oath Keepers

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Joke Of The Day: Post Office Job

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Mar 142009

A guy went to the Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asked him, ‘Are you allergic to anything?

He replied, ‘Yes – caffeine.’

‘Have you ever been in the military service?’

‘Yes,’ he replied. ‘I was in Iraq for two years.’

The interviewer said, ‘That will give you 5 extra points toward employment. Then he asked,’ Are you disabled in any way?’

The guy said, Yes….an IED exploded near me and I lost both of my testicles.

The interviewer grimaced and then said, ‘OK, you’ve got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00AM to 4:00PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 – and plan on starting at 10:00AM every day.

The guy was puzzled and asks, ‘If the work hours are from 8:00AM to 4:00PM, why don’t you want me to here until 10:00AM?

This is a government job, the interviewer said. For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.

What Does One Trillion Dollars Look Like?

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Mar 142009

What does one TRILLION dollars look like?

All this talk about “stimulus packages” and “bailouts”…

A billion dollars…

A hundred billion dollars…

Eight hundred billion dollars…

One TRILLION dollars…

What does that look like? I mean, these various numbers are tossed around like so many doggie treats, so I thought I’d take Google Sketchup out for a test drive and try to get a sense of what exactly a trillion dollars looks like.

We’ll start with a $100 dollar bill. Currently the largest U.S. denomination in general circulation. Most everyone has seen them, slighty fewer have owned them. Guaranteed to make friends wherever they go.

A packet of one hundred $100 bills is less than 1/2″ thick and contains $10,000. Fits in your pocket easily and is more than enough for week or two of shamefully decadent fun.

Believe it or not, this next little pile is $1 million dollars (100 packets of $10,000). You could stuff that into a grocery bag and walk around with it.

While a measly $1 million looked a little unimpressive, $100 million is a little more respectable. It fits neatly on a standard pallet…

And $1 BILLION dollars… now we’re really getting somewhere…

Next we’ll look at ONE TRILLION dollars. This is that number we’ve been hearing about so much. What is a trillion dollars? Well, it’s a million million. It’s a thousand billion. It’s a one followed by 12 zeros.

You ready for this?

It’s pretty surprising.

Go ahead…

Scroll down…

Ladies and gentlemen… I give you $1 trillion dollars…

(And notice those pallets are double stacked.)

So the next time you hear someone toss around the phrase “trillion dollars”… that’s what they’re talking about.

(step by step calculations & dimensions are here for those who may be interested)

Feel free to pass this information on!

Source…

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