My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels. She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’ I said, ‘Dust.’ And then the fight started.
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.’ I bought her a scale. And then the fight started.
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive – so I took her to a gas station… And then the fight started.
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’ ‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’ ‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’ And then the fight started.
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too’. And then the fight started.
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’ The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’ And then the fight started.
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. “I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.” He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?” “Nah, she can order for herself.” And then the fight started.
Anti-personnel mines: These little hidden bombs cause such havoc in civil wars around the world that they’ve been banned by most nations. The U.S. still insists on retaining the right to use them, though it doesn’t actively deploy them.
Best known is the Claymore mine developed by the U.S. in the 1950s and widely copied worldwide, but possibly most notorious is the Soviet “Butterfly” model that during the 1980s killed and maimed Afghan children who thought it was a toy.
“We make extremely rare use of mines anymore,” says Wright. “In the old days you had to go clean the mines up … now you’ve got to remember to send people to clean that area, [because] civilians or your own troops may run into them.”
God Bless America again!
Courtesy Fox News
A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet, rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does she begins to gently caress his full beard.
“Are you the manager?” she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
“Actually, no,” the man replied.
“Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him.” she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
“I’m afraid I can’t,” breathes the bartender. “Is there anything I can do?”
“Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message,” she continues, running her forefinger across the bartender’s lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
“What should I tell him?” the bartender manages to say.
Tell him,” she whispers “there is no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper-towels in the women’s bathroom…”
The .50-caliber sniper rifle: Confederate soldiers first mounted scopes on high-powered rifles during the Civil War, but the first specially designed sniper rifles for both police and military use came about in the 1970s. The barrels are precisely machined and specially mounted to minimize recoil.
Many Western sniper rifles use NATO standard 7.62-mm cartridges, but models using massive .50-caliber bullets are so powerful they can take out enemy ordnance by sheer force of impact.
One .50-caliber model, the McMillan TAC-50, set the record for longest kill in 2002 when a Canadian corporal shot a Taliban insurgent from a mile and a half away in Afghanistan.
“The advantage is range,” says Wright. “You can fire 2,000 meters plus, more than a mile, and hit a target accurately. … If it hits it’s probably going to kill.”
God Bless America again!
Courtesy Fox News