A little old man was escorted into the witness box. He was sworn in and asked by the lawyer to explain what happened.
After a lengthy discussion of the events leading up to the incident he finally got around to the meat of the case: ‘And then she hit me with a maple leaf.’
‘A maple leaf? Surely that couldn’t have caused you any serious injury,’ said the lawyer.
‘Are you kidding?’ exclaimed the old man. ‘It was the leaf from the center of our dining room table.’
Are computers male or female? You decide.
FIVE REASONS WHY COMPUTERS MUST BE MALE:
5. They’re heavily dependent on external tools and equipment.
4. They periodically cut you off right when you think you’ve established a network connection.
3. They’ll usually do what you ask them to do, but they won’t do more than they have to and they won’t think of it on their own.
2. They’re typically obsolete within five years and need to be traded in for a new model. Some users, however, feel they’ve already invested so much in the damn machine that they’re compelled to remain with an under powered system.
1. They get hot when you turn them on, and that’s the only time you have their attention.
FIVE REASONS COMPUTERS MUST BE FEMALE:
5. No one but their creator understands their logic.
4. Even the smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
2. The message, “Bad command or filename,” is about as informative as “If you don’t know why I’m mad at you, then I’m certainly not going to tell you.”
1. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
Finally, a worthy pyramid scheme! Simply send this e-mail to 9 of your friends.
Anaesthetize your wife/girlfriend, put her in a large carton (don’t forget some ventilation holes) and send it to the person who is at the top of your list. Soon, your name will be at the top of the list, and you will receive 823,542 women through the post.
Statistically, among those women, will be at least:
In total, that is 64,294 women who are simply hornier, less inhibited, and tastier than the grumpy old bag you posted off. And, best of all, your original package is guaranteed not to be one of those that come back to you.
One guy for example who sent the letter to only 5 instead of 9 of his friends got his original bird back, still in the old dressing gown he sent her off in, with the same old migraine attack, and the same accusatorial expression on her face. On the same day, the international supermodel he’d been living with since he sent off his old girlfriend moved out to live with his best friend (to whom he had not sent the chain letter). While I am sending this letter, the bloke that is in 6th place above me has already received 837 women and is lying in hospital suffering from exhaustion. Outside his ward are 452 more packages.
This is a unique opportunity to achieve a totally satisfying sex life. No expensive meals out, no lengthy conversations about trivialities (that only interest women). No obligations, no grumpy mother-in-law, and no unpleasant surprises like marriage or engagement. Do not hesitate… send this letter today to 9 of your best friends.
PS. Even when you have no girlfriend, you can send your vacuum cleaner; one of the other women that arrives will know how to use it.
PPS. This letter can also be copied to women you know so that they can prepare themselves for the great adventure that they may soon undertake.
My Cajun friend had 3 good arguments that Jesus was a Cajun:
1. He liked to serve fish to his friends.
2. He could make his own wine.
3. He wasn’t afraid of water.
My Black friend had 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone “brother.”
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn’t get a fair trial.
My Italian friend gave his 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with every meal.
3. He used olive oil.
My California friend also had 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He had a beard.
2. He walked around barefoot or in sandals all the time.
3. He started a new religion.
My Irish friend then gave his 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.
But, my women friends have the most compelling evidence that Jesus, though NOT a woman, certainly could relate to women:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment’s notice when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn’t get it.
3. And, even when he was dead, he had to get up because there was more work to do.