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A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Ryan”
Passenger: “Who?” Cabbie: “Ryan Jay Robinson. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Ryan Jay Robinson, every single time.” Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.” Cabbie: “Not Ryan Jay Robinson. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.” Passenger: “Sounds like he was something really special.” Cabbie: “There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Ryan Jay Robinson, he could do everything right.” Passenger: “Wow. Some guy then.” Cabbie: “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Ryan, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Ryan Jay Robinson.” Passenger: “An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?” Cabbie: “Well, I never actually met Ryan. He died. I’m married to his widow.” |
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An old couple, who have been married for a long, long time, are living way out in the country. One day, the wife says to the husband, “There’s something wrong with the outhouse. You need to go out and fix it.”
The husband responds, “What are you talking about, woman? There’s nothing in an outhouse except walls, a roof, a door, and a seat with a hole in it. What could possibly need to be fixed… there’s nothing that can break!” The wife responds, “Just go out there, and you’ll see what needs to be fixed.” The man goes out to the outhouse, and goes inside. He can’t see anything that’s broken. He shouts to his wife, “Woman, what are you talking about? There’s nothing broken in here!” She responds, “Just stick your head in the hole and you’ll see what the problem is.” The man shouts, “I’m not going to stick my head in there!” “Just stick your head in there!” she shouts back. The man sticks his head down the hole, and immediately screams, “Ouch! My beard got stuck in a crack in the wood!” The wife answers, “Hurts, doesn’t it?” |
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A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, “I’ll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday.”
Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn’t get her anything. She says, “Why didn’t you get me a birthday present!?” He replies, “You didn’t use what I got you last year!” |
