Tag: Women

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: The Art Of Presentation

Rubber Chicken Two Wives chatting in office:

Wife 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours?

Wife 2: It was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 mins & fell asleep in 2 mins.

How was yours?

Wife 1: Oh mine was amazing!

My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour.

When we came home he lit the candles around the house. It was like a fairy tale!

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work

Husband 1: How was your evening?

Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate & fell asleep.

And what about you?

Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there’s no dinner, they cut the electricity because I forgot to pay the bill. So I took her out for dinner which was so expensive that didn’t have money left for a cab or auto.

We walked home which took an hour & when we got home, I remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house.

MORAL: PRESENTATION DOES MATTER…
NO MATTER WHAT THE REALITY IS

 

 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: The Signature

Rubber Chicken Mr. Greenberg was an illiterate immigrant, but he worked hard, saved his pennies, and started a small business. It did well, and soon he had enough money to send for the wife and children. The work kept him very busy, so he never had time to learn to write, but the bank was happy to do business with him, even though his signature consisted of two X’s.

He prospered, he opened more stores, the kids were transferred to private schools, the family moved into a fancy house (with one staircase going nowhere just for show)…you get the idea.

One day his banker, Mr. Smith, asked him to drop by.

“So vat’s the problem?” Greenberg asked, a bit anxiously.

Smith waved a bunch of checks at him. “Perhaps nothing,” he said, “but I wanted to be on the safe side. These recent checks of yours are all signed with 3 X’s, but your signature of record has just 2.”

Greenberg looked embarrassed. “I’m sorry about making trouble,” he said, “but my vife said that since I’m now such a high-class rich guy, I should have a middle name!”

 

 

Amusing Funny

Definitions By Gender

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.

Female…… Any part under a car’s hood.
Male….. The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.

 

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.

Female…. Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.
Male….. Playing football without a cup.

 

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n

Female… The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner.
Male… Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

 

4. COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n.

Female….. A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male…… Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

 

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.

Female…. A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male…… Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

 

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.

Female…. An embarrassing by-product of indigestion.
Male…… A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

 

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.

Female…… The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male….. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

 

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.

Female…. A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male… A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: The Angry Wife

Rubber Chicken An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him.

“What’ll you have?” he asked. “Oh, I don’t know. The same as you I suppose,” she replied.

So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel’s and threw his down in one shot.

His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out.

“Yuck, that’s TERRIBLE!” she spluttered. “I don’t know how you can drink this stuff !”

“Well, there you go,” cried the husband. “And you think I’m out enjoying myself every night!”

 

 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: What Happened?

Rubber Chicken An old couple was preparing for bed while on their honeymoon. When the man took his socks off, his bride noticed he only had two or three toes.

“Oh goodness,” she said, “what happened to your feet?”

“I had Tolio,” he replied.

“You mean Polio?” she asked.

“No, Tolio,” he said.

Next he removed his pants and she saw that his knees were bent backwards.

“Wow! What happened to your knees?” she asked.

“I had Knee Coli,” he answered.

“E. Coli?” asked the wife.

“No,” he replied, “Knee Coli.”

Finally, he removed his underwear.

“Oh, let me guess,” she said, “Smallcox?”

 

 

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