Joke Of The Day: A Good Memory

Rubber ChickenThere once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant’s tail, really hard.

Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river. The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle.

“Why did you do that?” the giraffe asks.

“When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason,” the elephant replied.

“Wow! You must have a good memory!” exclaimed the giraffe.

“Yep!” said the elephant. “I’ve got Turtle-Recall.”

 

 

Tortoise Survives For 30 Years Locked In A Storeroom

Great story!

Manuela the tortoise

Manuela the tortoise has been found alive – after more than 30 years locked in a storeroom.

She was finally spotted after being put out for the binmen in a box of rubbish.

And last night she was reunited with her amazed owners as they described her survival as “incredible”.

Manuela vanished from her home in Rio de Janeiro in 1982 and was given up as lost forever despite a lengthy search.

Her owners assumed she had crawled away after builders working on the house left the front door open.

It was only after dad Leonel Almieda died earlier this month that his children began clearing out a second-floor room he had filled with broken electrical items and always kept locked.

Son Leandro was astonished to find Manuela shuffling around in a cardboard box containing an old record player.

He told Brazil’s Globo G1 website: “I put the box on the pavement for the binmen to collect, and a neighbour said, ‘You’re not throwing the tortoise out as well are you?’ I looked and saw Manuela.

“And at that moment I turned white. I just could not believe what I was seeing.”

His sister Lenita, who had been given the tortoise as a childhood pet, said: “Everything my father thought he could fix, he picked up and brought home.

“If he found an old television he thought he might be able to use a part of it to fix another one in the future, so he just kept accumulating things.

“We never dared go inside that room.

“We are all thrilled to have Manuela back. But none of us can understand how she managed to survive for 30 years in there – it’s just unbelievable.”

Local vet Jeferson Pires explained that Manuela is a red-footed tortoise, a species that can go for up to three years without eating.

He said she may have survived by nibbling termites from the wooden floor and licking condensation off smooth surfaces.

He added: “They are particularly resilient creatures.”

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Joke Of The Day

While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 90 year old man (he got his hand caught in a gate while working his cattle) a doctor and the old man were discussing ObamaCare. The old man said “Well, ya know, Obama is a post turtle”.

So, not knowing what he meant the doctor asked him what a “post turtle” was. And he said “When your driving down a country road, and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that’s a post turtle. You know he didn’t get there by himself, he doesn’t belong there, he can’t get anything done while he’s up there, and you just want to help the poor thing down.”

Timelapse of Tortoise Eating

Proving that you can make anything interesting by time lapsing it and slapping some cliche dramatic music on top, Matthew Hoyos’ video of a tortoise eating fruits and veggies is a real treat. At this speed, that tortoise is a terrifying eating machine with a vegetarian diet. As fun as the video is, I ache to know how long it took the tortoise to get through his meal in regular time.

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