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Joke Of The Day: 3 Parachutes

May 21, 2015May 20, 2015 gags

Barack Hussein Obama, Hilary Clinton, the Pope and a boy scout are on a plane.

The plane is about to crash when they realize there are only 3 parachutes.

The first passenger, President Obama said “I am the president of the United States, as much as it will haunt me for the rest of my life, I must insist I take a parachute. I have a great responsibility, being the leader of nearly 300 million people and the strongest military in the world.” The others agree and the president grabs a bag and jumps out.

The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, said “I am the future first female President of the United States, and I am the smartest woman in the world. I will be everything Obama was not and in that manner set a new path for all women in this world. I demand that I take one of the parachutes.” The boy scout hands her a bag and she jumps out.

The third passenger, the Pope, says to the fourth passenger, a 10-year old boy scout “I am old and frail and I don’t have many years left, so as a Christian gesture and good deed, I will sacrifice my life and let you take the last parachute.”

The boy scout said “It’s okay!”

“No, my dear boy. I must insist. I made my peace with God many, many years ago,” explains the Pope. “Dying will be like going home for me.”

“No, really it’s okay,” says the boy.

“My son, how can you be so fearless in the face of death? You are but a young boy,” asks the Pope.

The boy scout holds up two bags. “There’s two parachutes left. I gave that annoying bitch my backpack.”

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: The Pope In Alaska

November 22, 2014November 21, 2014 gags

On a tour of Alaska, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the mountains for some sightseeing. He was cruising along a campground in the Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. A helpless scrawny disheveled Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, and a “Save the Whales” T-shirt, was struggling frantically, thrashing around and trying to free himself from the jaws of a 10-foot grizzly.

As the Pope watched, horrified, a group of Republican loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum into the bear’s head, dropping it instantly. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding semiconscious Democrat from the bear, then threw it onto the bed of their (American made!) pickup truck while the other carefully placed the injured Democrat in the back seat, and gave him some much-needed water.

As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. “I give you my blessing for your brave actions!” he told them. “I heard there was a bitter hatred between loggers and environmental activists, but I’ve now seen with my own eyes that is not true!”

As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies, “Who was that guy?”

“It was the Pope, you idiot!” another replied. “He’s in direct contact with God and has access to all God’s wisdom.”

“Well,” the logger said, “he may have access to all God’s wisdom, but he sure doesn’t know anything about bear hunting. On that note, is the bait holding up OK or do we need to go back to town and grab another one?”